We are not ******* Baby's

An old woman and old man are sitting on a bench in the garden of the retirement home they live in.

OLD WOMAN
I kicked Candy the carer in the shins today.

OLD MAN
I bit her arm yesterday.

OLD WOMAN
I hate the way they treat us like baby's.. They mash all my food up for me. I have to suck see, as my teeth have expired.

OLD MAN
I crawl better than I walk

OLD WOMAN
Occasionaly I might wee myself but that’s normal for a woman of my advanced years. Do you know they tried to get me in a nappy. That’s why I kicked that bitch in the shins.

OLD MAN
I sometimes shart my Y fronts, but I have been doing that all my life.

OLD WOMAN
You watch, next they will be wheeling us about in those pram things..

OLD MAN
They tuck us up in bed and pat our heads. They talk to us like (are woo okay lickle man. Do woo want a glass of milky poos)

OLD WOMAN
God yes, and twice a day they find an excuse to wash my min. They are evil..nasty sicko filthy outrageous, condescending, perverted bastards

OLD MAN
Do you want to come out and play again tomorrow, we could walk to Wendys House, or go to Sandys Pit.

OLD WOMAN
Yes that would be perfect.Why did you bite Candy the Carers arm.

OLD MAN
She spilled some of the contents of my potty on me. I am not having it.

OLD WOMAN
They have no respect for us, We are not f**king Baby’s.

OLD MAN
Any way I am off its my afternoon nap time.

OLD WOMAN
Okay don’t forget moo moo.

(She hands him his blanket, then puts her dummy in her mouth and they waddle off together )

.

I liked that.
I'm really glad you didn't go down the sex route with this one. Old people do not have sex. Or talk about it. Nope.

Not to sure about this charley, the punchline needs to be something more.

I thought it was going to be a twist. It sounds like two babies talking but then revealing to be two old people.

I quite like it actually. Its one of those scenarios which is easily imaginable

That ones alright, I quite like it. Could do with a bit of work to make some of the old people's baby comments less forced, but nice idea.

OK, it's a little overwritten but generally speaking that's prettty much par for the course for most of us on an early draft. What I've found has helped your style really come on, with this sketch at least, is that it's not peppered with Charleyisms like 'sooooooooo' and that sort of thing.

Your writting is tighter and more structured and as a result, this particular sketch is hugely enjoyable. Excellent stuff, Charley.

Hi Baumski. Yey I do have those mannerisms, in real life also. I suppose they can maybe get on peoples nerves sometimes.

I was thinking of this as a short sketch. I was just playing around with words. I must admit though I like the idea of oldies as baby's. Because you do go back to being one in advanced years.

Thanks Ladies & Gents