NJ - University of Anti-Social Design Sketch

Failed sketch for Newsjack.

ANCHORMAN: Following the release of the wheelie bin adapted into a porta loo in a bid to stop people urinating in public, we've decided to send (NAME) for a visit to London's prestigious University of Anti-Social Design to get a heads up on the latest yob busting innovations.

REPORTER: Thanks (NAME), I'm here with a few of London's up and coming designers and budding entrepreneurs, hello all.

ROSIE, GARY AND TRACIE:Hiya. Hello. Alright.

REPORTERo lets start with you Rosie, what exactly do you have here?

ROSIE:Basically it's like, a voice translator that you can like, use hands free by like, attaching it to your mouth using these Velcro straps… N'shit.

F/X VELCRO

REPORTERh I see, similar to the hand held language translators.

ROSIE: That's correct but we have taken it a step further and developed a unique 'Street to English' software. I'll give you an example… (clearing throat)

F/X BEEP

ROSIEi blud wass gwarnin in da endz?

F/X BEEP

TRANSLATOR: (D) (POSH)Hello friend, what's happening near you?

REPORTER:Wow amazing, and does it work in reverse?

ROSIEure, spit some lyrics. I mean, have a go!

REPORTERk… (clearing throat)

F/X BEEP

REPORTER:This is one fine invention.

F/X BEEP

TRANSLATOR: (D) (STREET)That is sick bruv!

REPORTER:Excellent! This could revolutionise parent -child relationships.

ROSIEafe… I mean thank you.

REPORTER:And what do we have here Gary?

GARY: (CALM VOICE)What we have here (NAME) is basically a piñata.

REPORTER:A piñata you say? Interesting, and how exactly is this going to tackle anti-social behaviour?

GARY: Well with knife crime on the up we have designed and developed the first Kevlar armoured piñata. We hope to have one hanging from every lamppost by 2012.

REPORTER:I see and what exactly is the idea behind it?

F/X ROSIE AND TRACIE BEGIN WHISPERING TOGETHER

GARY: Well we know that kids are playing violent video games, which is making them more violent. (Towards Rosie & Tracie) COULD YOU TWO SHUT THE HELL UP!.. Sorry about that… So instead of feeling the urge to stab someone when they're on the streets they can simply find the nearest lamppost and give it a good beating.

REPORTER:Truly innovative. Bravo… Swiftly onto our third and final invention, I think I've seen this one before!

TRACIE:As you may or may not already know, a large majority of youths suffer from a lack of elastication or support in the waistbands of their trousers leaving their rear ends exposed and left to walk around like they have crapped themselves.

REPORTERh yes, I've seen a lot of this happening. So is this some kind of belt contraption.

TRACIE:No (NAME), this is a belt.

REPORTERf course it is, but how exactly are you going to get youths to buy into this "belt concept?"

TRACIE:We have thought long and hard about this issue but after conducting some customer research we've finally decided the best course of action is to insert a removable gun holster and then covering the whole thing in 'bling.'

REPORTER:What exactly is 'bling'?

F/X BEEP

TRANSLATOR: (D) (POSH)'Bling' - Definition - 'Bling' Often comes in the form of jewellery, designed to look expensive but is commonly very cheap, used to give the impression of wealth. Adored by Chavs.

REPORTER: Well that clears that up. (Laughing) A bunch of amazing inventions to look forward to but that's all we have time for so it's back to you in the studio.

I liked the belt invention, and thought it worked well with the Translator. I guess the only bit that didn't work for me was the Pinata.

Quote: AngieBaby @ January 14 2010, 5:18 PM GMT

I liked the belt invention, and thought it worked well with the Translator. I guess the only bit that didn't work for me was the Pinata.

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Yeah that's what the Gf said but I felt it needed three inventions and I was out of time to change :/ thanks for feedback.

Really? I thought the Kevla Pinata was inspired! Genius idea!

Right, where to start? Okay, first and main thing: Newsjack don't really do news reports. If you write the best news report in the world, they probably still won't use it. At best, they will have Miles interviewing somebody on the subject. This idea may have worked well with the 'Miles Undercover' strand, but that wasn't working so they ditched it.

When you do something as a news report, you're already restricting yourself because what they want is the unique angle on the subject, so you need to think of a different way in. Something like a museum for all this stuff or James Bond visiting Q in his bunker and being shown all this would probably work better.

Nextly, the 'street to English' thing has been done to death, quite honestly, so I'd avoid that unless you've written the best 'Street To English' sketch ever. I think 'bling' is the same -- already done too much.

Kevla Pinata though! Ace! Base a different sketch around that somehow. Awesome!

Dan

Thanks Dan really appreciate the feedback. I think that's where a lot of my sketches are going wrong, I've been doing mainly news reports :/ so next week I'll try finding that unique angle.