Sketch

I see it being in the same sort of style as Mitchell & Webb -nowhere as good, this is the first sketch I've ever written. Would like feedback on where to improve and mainly if it is formatted appropriately. Thanks.

* Hasn't indented characters or dialogue.

*******

TV STUDIO. INT. DAY

Studio runners rush around the floor.

James and Liam are sitting in down in chairs, on their phones.

James: Liam. Can I ask you something?

Liam glances up from his phone.

Liam: What?

James: Why are we actually filming this? It's pointless.

Liam shuts his phone.

Liam: What? Because the show don't go out 'til next year?.. How many times have I gotta tell you, it's just a book the world isn't gonna end.

James: No, not because of that! It's actually pointless.

Liam: What is?

James: This scene!

Liam scratches head.

James: It's just us two sitting around talking. It's never gonna make the cut.

Liam: Course it will.

James: But.. It's shit.

Liam points to himself, James and the crew.

Liam: We still get paid, the crew still get paid. So where's the problem?

James: Well what about the audience?

Liam: Oh, don't worry bout them. They don't mind, most of them aren't even paying attention. They wouldn't even relaise if we cut the scene before the punchline.

James: Really?

Liam: Really.

Liam puts his phone away and looks to the camera.

Liam: Right. Cheers mate, that'll do.

Liam gets up and walks passed the camera, claps his hands.

Liam: Mine's a Fosters.

Is it a scene or a sketch scenes don't need punchlines?
The ideas ok, but I feel I've seen it before & done better.

Sorry but M&W have basically done this sketch but better 4 times. It would look like a carbon copy in anyone else's show.

HOWEVER. The dialogue is natural, and if you improve the punctuation, it reads well. Why not try writing in these (default M&W voices) in a totally alien situation? You might find something sparks from it. It's an enjoyable tone.

Quote: Elise B @ January 13 2010, 8:26 PM GMT

Sorry but M&W have basically done this sketch but better 4 times. It would look like a carbon copy in anyone else's show.

HOWEVER. The dialogue is natural, and if you improve the punctuation, it reads well. Why not try writing in these (default M&W voices) in a totally alien situation? You might find something sparks from it. It's an enjoyable tone.

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I'm not sure I have seen the sketch you refer to but it was M&W that was in my mind.

There's at least 1 sketch per episode with them talking "out of character" and commonly one of them comments on whether these bits "work". In one they discover it's scripted and they read the script. Very meta, but it works.

Quote: Elise B @ January 13 2010, 9:05 PM GMT

There's at least 1 sketch per episode with them talking "out of character" and commonly one of them comments on whether these bits "work". In one they discover it's scripted and they read the script. Very meta, but it works.

View original

ahh ok. cheers for the tip
*note to self start watching episodes of sketch shows rather then single sketches on YouTube