NJ: Surgical Abandonments

Written with Jane P using one of my favourite framing devices. Unsuccessful as usual...

Dan

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Surgical Abandonments
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MILES:
Two surgical implements a week are left inside patients after operations. I once had a particularly bad experience with instruments left inside an intimate part of me, but enough about public school...

F/X: 'AMBULANCE-CHASING' ADVERT MUSIC

PRESENTER:
(EXCITED) Have you ever had surgical implements left inside you after a major operation? Then you're probably entitled to lump-sum compensation! Call NHS Direct Action now!
(SOMBRE) Marie had a bad experience after going in for a heart operation...

MARIE:
They sewed up some electric shock paddles in my chest! Every so often I spasm around being electrocuted! I mean, on the plus side, I'm immortal, but still...

F/X: CASH REGISTER 'CHE-CHING'

PRESENTER:
(EXCITED) Immortality need not be a barrier to life, Marie! Eighty grand thanks to NHS Direct Action!
(SOMBRE) Wayne went into hospital for a routine operation. Little was he to know it would go awry...

WAYNE:
I came out of the operation and couldn't feel the left-side of my body. But I guess that's what happens when they leave the anaesthetist inside you!

F/X: CASH REGISTER 'CHE-CHING'

PRESENTER:
(EXCITED) One hundred thousand pounds and a medical certificate *proving* you have no feelings, will get that ex-wife off your back, Wayne! All thanks to NHS Direct Action!
(SOMBRE) Julie's experience was even more harrowing…

JULIE:
A patient told me about a terrible experience where they were sewn up with the whole operating theatre inside them! Then, that patient was left inside *me*! The whole thing was already a disgrace before they (ECHOEY) sewed me up inside another patient! (THUMPING) Let me out! I'm not even a patient! I'm the bloomin' mortician!

PRESENTER:
(EXCITED) You can bet your life that if Julie ever gets out, she'll be getting cold, hard cash too! NHS Direct Action! Let us mine *your* body for cash! (SMALLPRINT VOICE) Not all surgical items have value at auction. Terms and conditions apply. You may not get out what they put in.

END

Brilliant. Saw where it was going but still laughed out loud

but it didn't get in.

Cheers guys! Appreciated.

Dan

This is bloody hilarious. I've never heard News Jack but they certainly didn't reject it because it wasn't funny.

I could definitely have seen this working on Newsjack, I suppose it just wasn't a topic they were wanting to cover that week. Bit of panache.

Cheers 'Taxis/Giggle-o.

Thanks for commenting.

Dan

I thought this piece got of to off to a really good start with the best gag of the sketch given to Miles with the public school reference. The compensation angle is neatly introduced and I think you've written some great lines for the presenter. The shifting tone from the excitement of the claim successes to sombre reflection, I think, you executed very well. I suppose it's a bit formulaic in a way and the gathering build up of absurdity almost requisite, but here I think it is just overdone to a degree and tends to overwhelm the suspension of disbelief. But then the sketch comes back down to earth and the disclaimer line, imo, is top drawer.

ev

Christ, this was actually funny. Not in a smug, middle class, let's do another Gordon Brown parody Newjack style funny, but properly, laugh out loud funny.

That's probably why it didn't get in.

'On the plus side, I'm immortal...'

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ January 14 2010, 3:18 PM GMT

... Not in a smug, middle class, let's do another Gordon Brown parody Newjack style funny...

View original

<quickly removes other failed sketch from 'Critique' forum>

Cheers guys for input!

Dan

Like it. Not sure about the NHS Direct Action name though, sounds a bit protest group to me. Love the end.