AWARDS CEREMONY.
VOICE (OFF) And welcome to the Palm Springs International Festival for Self-Obsessed Nob-ends with nothing better to do than give each other a pat on the back when there's a bleedin' recession going on. First and worst is of course everyone's favourite egomaniac, Mariah Carey…
Enter MARIAH, slightly pissed and singing.
MARIAH Emotions… (sobs) Crybaby, I Don't Wanna Cry – Shake It Off! (looks at award) Honey – Dreamlover – Loverboy – Boy I Need You… (cradles it to her chest) We Belong Together, It's Like That… (drops it) Heartbreaker! (looks round) Do You Know Where You're Going To? (panics) The Roof! Underneath The Stars! Through The Rain! Without You… (sobs) Miss You… Breakdown – Bringing On The Heartbreak… (looks for award) There's Got to be a Way – Never Too Far… (finds it) Thank God I Found You! Can't Take that Away (cradles it again) Can't Let Go – My All! Sweetheart… (cradles harder) Touch My Body… Always Be My Baby – Forever! (starts to leave) I'll be Loving U Long Time – I Stay In Love…
VOICE (OFF) Mariah!
MARIAH Whenever You Call – I'll Be There – Anytime You Need a Friend…
VOICE (OFF) Get back onstage.
MARIAH Someday… Love Takes Time... One Sweet Day…
VOICE Now! It's Christmas…
MARIAH Jesus Born On This Day. I Still Believe – O Holy Night – When You Believe… (looks at award) All I Want For Christmas Is You.
VOICE (OFF) Mariah, speech!
MARIAH I Know What You Want. (to herself) Say Somethin' – Make It Happen… (to audience) Take A Look at Me Now… (angry) Why You So Obsessed With Me?... Bye Bye.
