Newsjunk

Congratulations to those 'lucky' few who got stuff through.

As Newsjack aren't going to tell me where I went wrong with these two sketches I'd appreciate it if you kind folks would help.

Aaaaaand, let the shit storm begin...

ENERGY CRISIS SOLUTION

FX: GENERAL ECHOEY, BACKGROUND NOISE (LIKE A BUSY DINING HALL).

PETER MANDELSON
So did you get anything nice for Christmas, Gordon?

GORDON BROWN
Not a sausage, Peter. Although, I put one of Sarah's old stockings on the fireplace and Christmas day I found a big piece of coal at the bottom.

MANDELSON
That's funny, I got coal too.

BROWN
Hmm, something strange is afoot, Peter. I heard, Jacqui Smith got coal too and her husband got a sack full.

MANDELSON
Now you mention it Gordon, all of the Labour MPs I've spoken to got coal.

BROWN
But I thought we did so well this year, Peter.

MANDELSON
So did I, Gordon, so did I. But it appears this 'Santa Claus' must be a Tory. [HE SPITS WITH DISDAIN]

BROWN
Well at this rate Peter, at least we'll have found a way to solve this global energy crisis. [CHUCKLES]

MANDELSON
Hang on Gordon, you might be on to something there.

BROWN
What do you mean, Peter?

MANDELSON
Well, if we make sure that we're very naughty this year then we may just have found a way to ensure there is never an energy crisis again.

BROWN
Brilliant Peter! So being naughty might just be the answer to our energy shortage problems?

MANDELSON
Precisely!

BROWN
So how can we 'be naughty' this year, Peter?

MANDELSON
Oh, we'll find a way Gordon, we'll find a way.

END OF SKETCH

________________________________________________________________________________

STATUS QUO.B.E.

FX: BACKGROUND HUBBUB; GUITARS BEING TUNED AND SPEAKERS BEING TESTED. APPROACHING FOOT STEPS ON WOODEN BOARDS.

RICK PARFITT
We've finally done it Francis, Queenie's gonna give us a gong!

FRANCIS ROSSI
[UNINTERESTED] Oh yeah, I heard.

PARFITT
Sooo...

ROSSI
Well, we can't accept it, can we?

PARFITT
Why not?

ROSSI
We're rock 'n' roll Rick; we hate the Queen, she represents everything we've been rocking against.

PARFITT
No, no, no Francis. You don't understand, I've got to get that OBE.

ROSSI
Why?

PARFITT
Well, I want that little badge you get and uhm...look, I just want the badge, ok! So you're gonna dress up, eat the vol-au-vents, curtsy and laugh at the Queen's joke about us 'rockin' all over Buckingham Palace', alright?

ROSSI
Oh Christ Rick, do we have to?

PARFITT
Yes, we do.

ROSSI
But we're more than just that one tune. We've sold over 118 million records, been involved in the best collaboration song about people not knowing it's Christmas and raised loads for charity,

PARFITT
I know we're more than just that tune, Francis. But just do it for me, alright.

ROSSI
[SIGHS] Alright then.

PARFITT
Anyway, come on mate. One, two, three...

FX: A HARD, SHORT GUITAR STRUM FOLLOWED BY A CROWD SCREAMING AND WHOOPING;

PARFITT
(SHOUTING) Are you ready, Wemberleeey?!!

FX: CROWD SCREAMING 'YES!'

PARFITT
HERE WE GO-OH! WE'RE ROCKIN' ALL OVER THE WORLD!! Come on Wembley, you know the words.

ROSSI
And I don't even bloody li-li-like it.

END OF SKETCH.

Cheers for the crit Griff.

If kids have been naughty through the year they get coal from Santa Claus. I'm surprised you haven't heard that before.

Thanks

I tend to agree with Griff, I know about the coal for naughty children situ, and thought it was a good idea, but didn't crack me up. The Quo one, again, as Griff said, it's a pretty solid premise but both of these are lacking in gags.

I never submitted anything anywhere so I shouldn't be saying anything really.

Quote: Griff @ January 7 2010, 4:51 PM GMT

Did everyone else know about Santa giving coal to naughty children?

View original

I think I might have peripherally, but it took a few seconds to figure out that was what was being referred to.

I enjoyed both skits. If you like criticism I'd just say (1) make the point a tad clearer and (2) pump up the gag-per-line count. But my CV is a single line on Watson's Wind-up which they modified anyway so feel free to tell me where to stick it.

I liked the first one; it was simple, logical and you didn't belabour it. You had an effective topical and satirical premise and you executed it with precision. Seemed like an ideal Newsjack sketch to me.

The second one I didn't find very funny. Aside from the 'song about people not knowing it's Christmas line' I didn't see much in it. Just didn't seem to have an angle other than the 'not very rock n roll' bit and that didn't really go anywhere. It was vaguely humourous chatter reflecting the story.

Also the Status Quo bloke has been rather endearingly delighted and good humoured about the whole selling out aspect of it himself in interviews ("Us, of all people!" said Rossi, lead singer. "I'm not sure that we deserve it, but f**k it, I'm so made up it's ridiculous. You hear about people refusing them because it's not rock'n'roll but that's a dickhead approach. My partner [Parfitt] is even more excited about it – he's probably blubbing. You start off rebellious, a teenager in a band, but you end up being part of the establishment.") which has rather dampened any impact satire of that aspect has for me.

I thought that both were a bit long-winded for the gag count really, though of the two I preferred the second.

In the first the constant reference to each other's names grated with me a bit, as once you establish who they are there's no need to keep using names in the dialogue (Peter Gordon). Think about natural conversation - we don't do it. Have faith in your audience, they'll get it (mind an editor would probably pick that up and edit it out if they were to use the general sketch)

The second was a lot better but it didn't work for me purely from the standpoint that Rick & Francis were all over the media being "well made up" at having been given the OBEs.

I thought that the writing was fine but that the content need a lot of tightening and pruning.

So a general feeling of not enough 'gags'.

Thanks folks.