You know you're a fat c--t when...

You know you're a fat c**t when...

You are on first name terms with the man from the kebab shop
You think about what to have for dinner while eating lunch
You notice which staff members work what shift at KFC
You eat doner meat even when not inebriated
You can hide various objects within your belly roll
You eat like a bulimic yet don't throw up afterwards
You buy slabs rather than bars of chocolate
You know pizza delivery telephone numbers off by heart
You sweat while walking in the winter
You suspect that twisters have become smaller than they used to be
Your girlfriend/ boyfriend suddenly refrains from having sex with you

All too very familiar

Quote: nigel worthington @ January 6 2010, 5:35 PM GMT

You know you're a fat c**t when...

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You get your own comedy sketch show on BBC Three in which you take your shirt off at every given opportunity for shock laughs, you then proceed to show off your hideous, mishapen, blubbery form on any programme that will allow it.

Meanwhile, your skinny comedy partner collapses on stage, not because of the official 'exhaustion' excuse, but because you ate all the food in his dressing room you greedy fat bastard.

Oh and you're not funny and have an irritating laugh. In fact, just kill yourself.

I think this is a very funny and a brilliantly thought-out and decidedly empathetic piece - if you are not obese.

If you're a fat c**t then the chances are you're just reading out your diary.

The 999 operator does put you through to the pizza takeaway.
Bulimia cost you an arm.
The mafia uses you to intimidate all you can eat buffets.
You're an ambitious go getter you've never bitten off more than you can chew.
Except you don't chew.
You've had more big whoppers than Tony Blair's told.
Ronald McDonald killed himself when you said you were going on a diet.
You can eat a Greggs sausage roll with out puking.
You became a cannibal serial killer because you were hungry.

Quote: nigel worthington @ January 6 2010, 5:35 PM GMT

You know you're a fat c**t when...

You are on first name terms with the man from the kebab shop
You think about what to have for dinner while eating lunch
You notice which staff members work what shift at KFC
You eat doner meat even when not inebriated
You can hide various objects within your belly roll
You eat like a bulimic yet don't throw up afterwards
You buy slabs rather than bars of chocolate
You know pizza delivery telephone numbers off by heart
You sweat while walking in the winter
You suspect that twisters have become smaller than they used to be
Your girlfriend/ boyfriend suddenly refrains from having sex with you

View original

Good Stand-up, I think.

Quote: Mannikin Bird @ January 6 2010, 9:02 PM GMT

Good Stand-up, I think.

View original

I see it as a priest in the pulpit.

PRIEST:
Dearly beloved... You know you're a fat c**t when...

You know you're a fat little kid c**t, when the priest won't f**k you.

Quote: Morrace @ January 6 2010, 9:07 PM GMT

I see it as a priest in the pulpit.

PRIEST:
Dearly beloved... You know you're a fat c**t when...

View original

Priest in a pulpit.... Now that is bloody genius

MORRACE's twist takes this fat-fanny-fun to it's highest level. 12/10 for MORRACE.

You've all read my book.