First topical sketch for a long while...
GRAMS: THE GILLETTE THEME TUNE "GILLETTE: THE BEST A MAN CAN GET"
ROGER FEDERER'S IN THE GILLETTE OFFICE, TALKING TO THE CEO
CEO:
Look Roger, I know you're all great friends, but we can't have Thierry or Tiger in the razor advert any more.
ROGER:
Racist.
CEO:
You know that's not the reason. We just can't be associated with cheating. Our whole brand image is good, clean and wholesome...how else can we justify such bland adverts?
ROGER:
Well, what's the problem with Thierry? He's clean.
CEO:
He cheated to get to the World Cup! We can't alienate our entire Irish customer base. Besides, what are we supposed to say? (FRENCH ACCENT)"Hi, I'm Thierry Henry. I just love to HANDLE the new razor. With it's new ergonomic rubber grip, it gives me more close control than the official World Cup ball. Just one flick of the wrist is enough to keep it precisely in the lines."
GRAMS: GILLETTE - WE SLAP IT IN THE NET.
ROGER:
OK, OK, but what about Tiger? He's always been a model sportsman. We should stick with him in hard times.
CEO:
Are you serious? "Hi. I'm Tiger. (STROKING HIS FACE WITH THE RAZOR) I love to handle women almost as much as this. Sometimes you've got to be smooooth to get a bit of rough.
Just don't leave the blades where Erin Can find them, unless you want THJE closest shave ever."
GRAMS: JEANNETTE - THE BEST TIGER CAN GET.
ROGER:
I see your point. But will it work if it's just me?
CEO:
Why not? You ARE the greatest sportsman of all time...
ROGER:
Yes, yes I am.
CEO:
YOU'VE never been caught cheating in any sense of the word...
ROGER:
Yes! Of course I can sell this on my own...
MICHAEL SCHUMACHER WALKS ON
Hallo! (PUSHES ROGER OFF THE STAGE) Who mentioned the greatest of all time. Yes, it is I, Michael Schumacher, come back to reclaim my title from the pretenders.
CEO:
Sorry, no cheats.
SCHUMACHER:
Bah! Humbug
HE EXITS
ROGER (GETTING UP)
Phew! That was a close shave.