The first part's a bit directions heavy, but please bear with it!
This is about 2% different to the version that a few people may have seen.
1.
Ext. Street (1)
Man 1, who looks pained, is running down the street. He runs into some public toilets.
Cut to: Int. Public Toilets (1)
Man 1 runs to a urinal and, with a big sigh, unzips his flies. At the same time, Man 2 enters. Man 1 looks horrified. He clocks the empty urinal next to him. He clocks the two cubicles behind him – they both bear "OUT OF ORDER" signs.
Man 1:
Oh no!
Man 2 is now urinating in the urinal next to Man 1. Man 1 is unable to urinate and starts turning his body as far away as he can. Man 2 finishes, shakes himself dry and walks over to the taps where he washes his hands.
Man 1:
(UNDER HIS BREATH) Your hands are clean! Just go!
Man 2 checks his hair in the mirror. Man 1 starts hopping from foot to foot. Man 2 leaves. Man 1 sighs. Man 3 walks in. Man 1 whimpers. Man 3 goes to the urinal next to Man 1. Man 1 pretends to finish urinating with a grand shake and that noise men make when they finish urinating. Man 1 zips up and calmly walks to the taps where he washes his hands before running out screaming.
ENDS
2.
Ext. Street (2)
Man 1, who looks very pained, is running down a street. He spots a public toilet sign up ahead and smiles. He reaches the entrance and finds a turnstile with a coin slot. A sign on the turnstile reads "20p ADMITTANCE. EXACT CHANGE ONLY". Man 1 shoves his hand in his pocket and brings out some change – 5 £1 pieces.
Man 1:
CHRIST!
Man 1 starts rattling the turnstile. He begins to climb the turnstile. A cleaner, from inside, appears with a mop.
Cleaner:
Here! What do you think you're doing?
Man 1:
I'm… uh….
Cleaner:
You were trying to get in without paying, weren't you?!
Man 1:
How dare you?!
Man 1 jumps down from the turnstile where he starts hopping from foot to foot.
Man 1:
I don't want to use YOUR toilet. I've got a perfectly good one at home, thanks.
BEAT.
Man 1:
Have you got change for a quid?
Cleaner:
No, mate.
Man 1 runs away screaming.
ENDS
3.
Int. Public toilets (2)
Man 1 is show from the waist up. He unzips his flies, sighs and begins to urinate with a huge smile. As he finishes off, a toilet is heard flushing.
Man 1:
Oh crap!
Man 1 is revealed to be urinating into a sink. A woman emerges from a cubicle and sees Man 1 frantically doing up his flies. The woman screams. Man 1 runs away laughing manically.
ENDS
