This happend to me on Thursday and I think it's to good a story to be untold.
The story involves me, waiting for a bus, in my construction worker gear. I have my pod playing and my ass freezing. Suddenly I have an old homeless guy (Inuit of origin) next to me, talking. There must have been twenty people waiting on the bus but it was me he was talking to, its always me. Faced with the choice of either ignoring him or talk with him, I decide to remove my earplugs and smile.
This is the excat conversation that followed.
Homeless Guy:
...And I couldent pass on that...MERRY CHRISTMAS!!
Me:
Wow, and a merry Christmas to you Bud.
The homeless guy leans in for confidence, sliding his jacket aside to show me the bottle he keeps in a pocket, inside the jacket.
Homeless guy:
Want a sip?
Me:
Mighty decent of you mate, but no thanks. I don't like Vodka.
The guy slides aside the other side of his jacket to display a bottle of gin, sitting in the oppersit pocket.
Homeless Guy:
Howabout Gin, you like that?
Me: (laughing)
Again, no thanks, but damn you come well-equipped.
Homeless Guy:
Can you believe this shit? Sleeping did this to me.
The guy raises his one hand and holds, what is best described as, three fingers mutated into one black claw, right in my face.
Me: (frightend)
Dude! What the hell? Did you fall asleep on a f**king glacier?
Homeless Guy: (laughing)
Nooo, this shit happend over there. (points to the bustop)
Me: (in disbelief)
You're kidding, it happend back in Greenland, right?
Homeless guy:
I was feeling a little wobbly, so I grabbed onto that metal handle in the the bus shed and fell asleep. I was woken by the medics buzzing all around me in panic.
Me: (laughing)
When you sleep you sleep huh? Well, hard to reach our age without losing a couple of teeths or fingers along the way.
Homeless Guy: (laughing)
Yeah,that's true. I just got released from jail yesterday.
Me:
Really, what did you do?
Homeless Guy: I beat the living crap out of three guy's who tried to mug me.
Me:
Ok? But you're tiny.
Homeless Guy:
I know. But they really pissed me off. I was walking home at night, minding my own business, when three punks stops me and demands my money. I just looked at them and said; I don't have any money, I'm homeless. So one of them pulls a knife and points it at me, asking for my cell phone. I told him I didn't have a phone, because I'm homeless. He must have been dumb or something cos he asks me for the phone again, now poking me in the stomach with the knife. So I said; ok take the f**king phone while I took my hand to the jackets pocket GRABBED THE BOTTLE AND SMASHED HIM SO BAD IN THE FACE the others ran away.
Me:
Nice job man.
Homeless Guy:
Worked out sweet for me, I got board and shelter in the harsh season so. Later the cops told me the three muggers were charged with beating an old man half to death in another robbery, and you know how hard it is for older folks to grow back together? Funny thing though. They found out about the other robbery by comparing blood from the f**ker I decked.
Me:
Bet they won't do that again.
Homeless guy:
So are you a homeless too?
Me: (laughing)
No-no I have a house.
Homeless Guy:
So you think you've got some change to spare?
Me:
Tell you what; if I got any, it's yours.
I gave him the change, which was close to nothing and he thanked me like I had just given him my firstborn and went on his way, the happiest man alive.
Morale - Remove your plugs for everyone.
