New to this, start of my routine

Here is the start to my routine that I am currently writing.

I'm a large 27 year old IT techy, but I promise the entire routine won't be about IT.

Please take a look at post any comments, this is my first attempt, I've been writing this for about 3 weeks. Soooo here goes:

Good Evening,

I bet the last thing you expected to see tonight was the love child of Wayne Rooney and Chewbacca, but here I am loud and proud!
It's an experience to be out, I work in IT and as you can probably tell from my Ethiopian physic I spend most of my time locked in my bedroom on the internet counting in binary code. <Insert nerd joke>
The worst thing about working in IT is the "friends favours", I don't mean the ""Friends Favours, wink wink nudge nudge"", (adlib about floppy drives, USB pens, hard drives, sexually etc).
I mean the phone calls "Jon, fancy coming over tonight? Have a few beers; get a curry... you clean the horrendous about of asian girls masturbating with Jack Daniels bottles porn from my laptop!!!??"
Because let's admit it, we all use the internet for porn <pick a bloke from the audience, ask if he looks at porn, call him a liar if he says no, offer to shake his hand if he says yes, but back away saying "actually, maybe I shouldn't touch that"
If you got rid of porn from the internet there would only be 3 sites left, Google.com, imdb.com and wherehasalltheporngone.com.
So as my friends and family's "resident IT technician" I'm often asked to "clean up" their computers and laptops, I don't mean physically, <mimic dusting the keyboard, pulling wet hairs out of the keyboard, spitting on the screen and rubbing with my sleeve>, I mean pretty much getting rid of the evidence before the wife/kids/FBI find out.
For mates, this is fine, like I said, we all look at porn. I do, my wife does (yes I am married, how shocking is that), but when your father rings up……."Hey Jon, fancy coming over tonight? Have a few beers; get a curry……. Yeah if you could come over before your mum finishes work..." FUCK OFF!

Hi Jon

Have you booked a gig yet?

I'm not sure about the opening line. Lots of new stand-ups go for this sort of approach - some audiences get a bit sick of it and unless you can do something really funny and unsual, I'd change it for something else. Once you have a big laugh to start you'll feel a lot more confident.

I like the running gag of the cleaning up people's hard drives - you could use that as a call back. Maybe save the dad gag to later in the routine (maybe after a bit about your dad) and then drop it in. Audiecnces love that.

Thanks for the feedback Dolly, yeah, I'm not to keen on the opening line. I want something alittle more punchy.
Good idea about the callback on the dad phone call, I like that. Re-write is in development.

Not booked any gigs yet, looking for an opne mic slot somewhere that I can try some stuff out on. Abit nervous to be honest!

Hi John,

I'm somewhat of an IT techie myself.... currently looking after video conferencing equipment (have a couple of Microsoft MCP's and a Cisco CCNA/CCNP) so can relate to what your saying about constantly being asked to fix family members computer's!

I personally really started to love the "IT crowd" as the series progressed, and I still think there's room for a bit more IT-based comedy.

I think the "love child" joke has been done to death to be honest, but I did like the fact that you remind people that the interent was made for porn.... we all know that www stands wank, wank, wank :-)

You could also write about how utterly frustrating it is when you're offering support over the phone to people who are crap with pc's....

"click on the start button"
"where's that?"
"bottom left corner"
"left click or right click?"
"left click"
"ok done that, now what should I do"
"go into your control panel"
"how do I get to that?"
"move the fu*****g mouse over to where it fu****king says control panel!"

I'm sure you've been there! :-)

Look forward to reading the finished version mate.

I would definitely recommend giving it a go. At least you're writing some material - which is more than a lot of open mics. I would also book a gig now because it can be months before a spot is available. Are there many in your area?

Dolly, no there aren't many in my area. Although birmingham is just down the road so I'm sure there must be stuff around there.

Jeff,

I love the IT crowd! and yes I have got some rough material on IT phone support, but just scared that it might have been done to death, I suppose I'll have to try and put a differnt spin on it "have you tried turning it off and on again" lol

"If you got rid of porn from the internet there would only be 3 sites left, Google.com, imdb.com and wherehasalltheporngone.com"

Scrubs - Doctor Cox I believe said that or someone, either way it's not at all original.

Sorry, not impressed with the routine mate, seen it all before, even I have a internet porn joke in my routine that I used as a finisher and hate myself for it.

Try to phase it out, talk about IT by all means but try to avoid porn!

Revised routine:

Good Evening,

It's an experience to be out, I work in IT and as you can probably tell from my Ethiopian physic I spend most of my time locked in my bedroom on the internet counting in binary code.
The worst thing about working in IT is the "friends favours", I don't mean the ""Friends Favours, wink wink nudge nudge"", <adlib about floppy drives, USB pens, hard drives, sexually etc>. I mean the phone calls "Jon, fancy coming over tonight? Have a few beers; get a curry………….. you clean the horrendous amount of asian girls masturbating with Jack Daniels bottles porn from my laptop!!!??"
Because let's admit it, we all use the internet for porn <pick a bloke from the audience, ask if he looks at porn, call him a liar if he says no, offer to shake his hand if he says yes, but back away saying "actually, maybe I shouldn't touch that"
So as my friends and family's "resident IT technician" I'm often asked to "clean up" their computers and laptops, I don't mean physically, <mimic dusting the keyboard, pulling hairs out of the keyboard, spitting on the screen and rubbing with my sleeve>, I mean pretty much getting rid of the evidence before the wife/kids/FBI find out.
Never has this been more evident than when your "work colleagues" bring in their PC from home for some TLC.
One such day my Managing Director brought his daughters laptop in, yes DAUGHTERS laptop.
<put on godfather voice> "I brought you my meme's laptop" he is Italian "it's not working, its slow, internet is like sleeping with the fish's when they swim in treacle, sort it out for the family" <end godfather voice>.
Now not only do I NOT want to be sleeping or swimming in any treacle with fish's, I also don't want to piss the Managing Director off!?
How do you explain to your Managing Director that his sweet innocent 16year old daughter has been looking at italianstalions.com (look it up, I did, it's quite impressive) on a regular basis, and her "friend" Santino is sending pictures of his <godfather voice>"Special meatballs and sauce" <end godfather voice> to her over MSN?
The answer is - YOU DON'T! You clean up the evidence and mention nothing about it... Except you note down her MSN and email addresses... Hack her MSN and change Satino's address to your own and wait for the magic to flood in! (wink wink)

Social networking, I don't get it, I only have people I talk to on facebook, so why don't I just talk to them on the phone? Even my friends parents are on facebook, which I find strange. If one of the only forms of communication with your children is through an internet site I find that quite sad. My dad won't use it, he still calls me up for a chat "Jon, how are you? You should come round the house, have a few beers, get a curry…… could you come round before your mum gets in..." OH FUCK OFF!

Thanks for all replys, they have been noted. Thanks for the advice Paul and thanks for pointing out the terrible use of someone elses material as you can see I have taken that out of the routine.