A MEETING ROOM. SOMEWHERE IN LONDON. 1921...
MAIN SPEAKER(DAVE):
...Ok chaps, here at the 'Society for Doing Things' we are going to begin something new and I David Skipperton plan to lead the way and that is why I'm throwing this out to the floor for you to come up with ideas as to what we can start.
As you know we have already created pipe-smoking, sponges, running backwards, dettol, side-locks, winking, dipping biscuits into tea, pudding, bowing and of course skype.
So where to next? Bobby?
BOBBY:
Am... Arachno-fauxbia.
DAVE:
Fear of spiders Bob?
BOB:
No Dave. F-A-U-X-B-I-A. Fear of fake spiders.
DAVE:
I see. We'll come back to it. What say we do something in the area of technology.
PETER:
Lets invent television.
BOB:
What's that?
PETER:
It's a communications box that displays moving images.
BOB:
Are we going to just bypass the invention of radio?
PETER LIGHTS HIS PIPE.
DAVE:
How's that cough of yours Peter? It's called the 'Barry Barnes Cough' isn't it?
PETER:
Thats right. It's only absolutely desperate when I smoke.
DAVE:
Thats great. I see you're lighting the pipe with the match you reserve for Tuesdays.
PETER:
Indeed.
DAVE:
Getting back to the matter in hand. Let's invent a corporation which will allow us to create programs which people will watch. The most popular of which we will create right here tonight.
PETER STARTS COUGHING UNCONTROLABLY.
DAVE:
Are you ok Peter? Peter?
We'd better get Doctor Srubalquahar.
BOB:
Doctor who?
DAVE:
You're looking very blue Peter. You alright?
PETER:
I can't see.
DAVE:
What? All the time?
PETER:
No....just....when I breathe. Stupid - ahuh- Barry -huh - Barnes - ahuuuhh - cough.
DAVE:
Thats news to me. Here Bob old chap pick up his Tuesday match, pick up his match of the day. We'll take him out into the open. Into nature, into our wonderful life of mammals, life of birds, our beautiful blue planet.
Thats sure to make him feel better. Leave him there on the step Bob. Let his eyes come back.
DAVE AND BOB STROLL OFF.
BOB:
I think we got a bit from that. Blue Peter, Doctor who. The word 'news' could be used in some capacity. His Tuesday match, match of the day.
Even that last bit you said; life of birds and all that. Perhaps we could get some chap to find out a jolly great deal about them and then tells us what he found out in the form of one of those programs.
Who would we get? David Attenborough?
DAVE:
I like it but he has'nt been born yet.
BOB:
Hmmm... What name were you thinking of for this new venture into a British broadcasting corporation?
DAVE:
I was thinking of naming it after the cough. Barry Barnes' cough.
BOB:
BBC. I like it. Now we will need a catchy headline or statement to go with that.
DAVE:
I was just thinking the same thing Bob. Now these programs are going to be made by this new BBC corporation but I, being the president will get to decide what programs will be shown so how about:
'Created for the BBC. Chosen by Dave'.
BOB:
I'm not sure I like that.
DAVE:
Actually I'm beginning to have my doubts about the whole thing. Firstly Attenborough isn't born, the names are outlandish to say the least like 'Doctor Who', Match of the Day. Who would want to watch that?
No we'll go back into the meetingroom again. Ah Peter how are you feeling now?
PETER:
Not bad. My legs have no feeling and my shoulders feel like theres a thousand daggers in them. My vision is beginning to come back though. I can see gray.
DAVE:
Great. Here have a suck on your pipe. It might help you.
PETER:
Yes that's good. The vision is gone again but I'm seeing clearly in my minds eye. I can see...oh my minds eye is now gone blind.....
Wait it's back. I'm seeing golf... A golf tournament is being played in the sky. It's part of some sort of carnival.
There a two winners. Some person called Colin Mint, Munt, Montgomerie and a snake.
Maybe we could create a program on that. We could call it...am...Monty Python's Flying Circus.
DAVE:
Nah, it would never work.
END.
