Short Character Video

Hi. This a video link rather than a written thing (sorry if this is the wrong place to post it, I wasn't sure). It's something I did very roughly about 6 months ago as an idea - about half people I spoke to loved it, the other half hated it. I was thinking of revisiting this character and improving on what I'd put down half a year ago but I want to see how many people actually find it funny before I put more effort in!

I've linked to the second "Vlog" because it's the one that came out best. These were improvisational, nothing was ever written down, so some came out well and others didn't. Basically, the story so far is just that this girl "Sam Nichols" is bullied at work and has a crush on the colleague that always sticks up for her. She ends "Vlog 1" by deciding to ask him out and this vlog is about what happened when she did so.

Sorry if some of the words aren't as clear as they could be! I did this so quickly and sketchily, on the video setting of a stills-camera! It really needs re-done.

Cheers

www.youtube.com/watch?v=crVh5exLVZo

Quote: sglen @ December 1 2009, 8:02 PM GMT

Sorry if some of the words aren't as clear as they could be!

View original

Can you post the script with it? That would be easier. If not re-do with clearer words as it's hard to understand!

Oops! Sorry, I didn't realise it was that bad. It's difficult to tell because I know what I'm saying!

It's not scripted but a rough transcription is this:

EDIT:

"I've had the worst day of my life. I went into the kitchen to ask Pete out and he was there. I'd put my make-up on and everything, I wanted to look nice. And there was this other girl there, I didn't even know she was there, and she had me say. And she came up to me and she said "you stupid cow, he's engaged!" So I stapled her eyes shut. It wasn't even that bad. I took them out myself with a fork, she didn't even have to go to hospital, but they said it was assault. And I had to go. And I don't know what to do, I've lost my job. And I can't pay the rent or the bills. And I'm never going to see Pete again. I'm not even allowed within 200 yards of the building. I don't know what to do. I thought about cutting myself but I used all the knives making a casserole last night and I really can't face the washing up right now"

Sorry, I tried to do it from memory there, so lazy. This is the actual transcription above.

Cheers

Very promising. Loved the line, "I thought about cutting myself but I used all the knives making a casserole last night"

However, I don't think there's any need for the weeping and wailing (very convincing though!). How about a scenario where you discuss this with a Counsellor?

Thanks! Think you're right about the crying, just makes it unintelligble! I'll have a think about the counsellor, that may be one way to do it. The only thing that puts me off is that having a rational person around would mean that the mental bubble she's in gets pierced. There's a part of me that wants her to be alone all of the time, talking only to a camera, slowly losing all rationality. It's an option though and if I can find a way to keep it dark I might do that.

Cheers!

Quote: sglen @ December 1 2009, 9:08 PM GMT

having a rational person around would mean that the mental bubble she's in gets pierced.

View original

It could also make for some good comedy; e.g., the rational person fighting against their 'mental bubble' being burst.

Quote: Morrace @ December 1 2009, 9:18 PM GMT

It could also make for some good comedy; e.g., the rational person fighting against their 'mental bubble' being burst.

View original

That's true. I was thinking about that. I'm not sure if I'm a good enough writer to make it work, but I'll have a go! There's definitely something in it. Cheers

Quote: sglen @ December 1 2009, 9:23 PM GMT

That's true. I was thinking about that. I'm not sure if I'm a good enough writer to make it work, but I'll have a go! There's definitely something in it. Cheers

View original

Yes, there's definitely something there - and you have a good 'ear' for dialogue. Don't give up!

Agreed with Morrace - commented and rated on YouTube.

Thanks very much, all.
Thanks to your feedback making me think, I've had a whole brand new spanking idea which came to me rather complete yesterday. I'm going to do a series of short Youtubable-length, episodes that include a toned down version of this girl and the people she lives with. It's got a proper story arc and everything, and the best lines are staying in.
Morrace, utterly right about having others around, but she's a kind of characature at the moment and that's why it felt wrong to put her in the real world. I'm making her a messed up but recognisable person now. (Which means the stapling is being chucked out but, hey, it can be used elsewhere) and I'm really pleased to come up with a better idea for this stuff!
So thanks ye all, you've really set my brain working on this and a dead idea is resurrected.