I have re-worked an earlier script after comments from the forum. Any thoughts or comparisons to the original will be warmly received.
ORIGINAL SCRIPT: https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/15889
INT. AN OFFICE. THE GODS; APOLLO, NEPTUNE, AND VISHNU ARE CHATTING. A MAN IN A SUIT ENTERS THE ROOM AND APPROACHES THEM AND SHAKES THEIR HANDS.
MAN:
Guys, guys. How are you all? Neptune how's the planet working out for you?
NEPTUNE:
It's a bit far away, but it'll have to do I suppose, as long as it is blue like you said. Took you long enough.
MAN:
Yes we got the hint thank you Neptune. Now I just wanted to preface what I'm about to say, by saying that, as a species we really appreciate everything you've done for us here on earth.
VISHNU:
Here we go.
MAN:
Yes thank you, Vishnu. Now as you know, to show our appreciation, there's been a lot of sacrificing, battling, toasting, and feasting and celebrating, and so forth and, to be honest, it's costing an absolute packet. So, I'm afraid, we're going to have to let you go, due to cutbacks.
THE GODS TUT AND MUBMLE.
I'm very sorry but we've no choice. You can see it out over a few hundred years. Of course you'll get any royalties. Plus you'll retain the status of legend or myth.
APOLLO:
Even the Phoebus stuff?
MAN:
Yes Apollo. Even the Phoebus stuff
(NEPTUNE BEGINS TO RAISE HIS HAND)
And yes Neptune, you'll get to keep the planet.
(HE LOWERS IT AGAIN)
APOLLO:
Why can't I have a planet?
MAN:
You can have a rocket ship?
APOLLO:
One rocket ship?
MAN:
Ok ten. Ten rocket ships.
APOLLO:
Twenty five.
MAN:
Don't be silly. Fifteen.
APOLLO:
Add a couple to that and stick some boxing movies in there and you got a deal.
VISHNU:
I hate to spoil the party, but, what the in the samsara am I going to do with four arms?
APOLLO:
Puppetry?
VISHNU:
(TO MAN) It was your idea!
MAN:
Yes we do feel bad about that. So we decided that you could be a pretty cool tattoo.
NEPTUNE RAISES HIS HAND.
MAN:
Ok Neptune. But I don't think it'll look as good.
NEPTUNE LOWERS HIS HAND
VISHNU:
Tattoos? We're talking four arms here, mankind.
MAN:
Ok ok. You can have some of the bottom right hand corner. But not too much, don't go crazy, and try and keep little bit on the light side eh? Not like Neptune here. Always going on with his floods and everything.
THE APOLLO AND VISHNU SMIRK KNOWINGLY.
It's just a planet Neptune. Write a letter next time. At least we'll have no more of that with this new guy.
END.