Not the best way to write sketches, but I need the practice. Feel free to re-write anyone, if you wish. 
F/X ______________________________PHONE RINGING
BETTY
Hello, you're through to The Wise Women helpline, this is Betty speaking. How can I help you?
NEIL
Well, I saw your ad in the paper - 'Weird Sisters Can Help With All Your Problems' - and you see the manifold's gone…
BETTY
Are you wearing your coat?
NEIL
Er, no.
BETTY
You'll catch a nasty chill. It's very damp today. You need to wrap up warm. Go and put your coat on.
NEIL
Er…okay. I've got it on now.
BETTY
Are you indoors?
NEIL
Yes.
BETTY
Well, you'll never feel the benefit, will you. Do you have the heating on?
NEIL
Yes.
BETTY
Don't sit on the radiator or you'll get piles.
NEIL
Look, I need some help with my car…
BETTY
On the motorway take it nice and steady and always stay in the middle lane at a sensible speed.
NEIL
No, there's a problem…
BETTY
A problem shared is a problem halved.
NEIL
Your advert said you could help with anything.
BETTY
We can. Do you have any spots?
NEIL
When I was 16…
BETTY
Tea tree oil. Is that all?
NEIL
No, I need help with…
BETTY
Head lice?
NEIL
What?
BETTY
Tea tree oil. Works a treat.
NEIL
Just zip it and let me finish…
BETTY
Zips you say? Rub a candle along the teeth of the zip and it'll come unstuck.
NEIL
Look, I don't have…
BETTY
A candle? Keep them in the freezer and they burn for longer.
NEIL
Stop! The manifold on my car has gone. What can I do?
BETTY
(PAUSE) Have you tried Tea tree oil?
NEIL
I give up….
BETTY
If at first you don't succeed try, try again.
NEIL
Call yourself wise women? This call is costing £5 an hour!
F/X_________________________________PHONE CLICKING OFF
BETTY
Well, we're not stupid.
ENDS
Nice.
