Future budget.

DAVID CAMERON IS TALKING TO GEORGE OSBOURNE.

DAVID
George is our emergency budget ready for when we win the next election?

GEORGE
Yes within 3 weeks we will have raised the trillion pounds needed.

DAVID
Fantastic so are we going to raise taxes?

GEORGE
No even better. Week 1 turn over every sofa in Downing Street, there must be a billion or so in small change there. Week 2 I found a scratchcard in the Daily Mail yesterday, it's for a billion pounds. I've scratched it and I've already got one cherry.

DAVID
You haven't got a clue have you George? What next put Thatcher's underpants on ebay? Claim child support for William Hague?

GEORGE
Well there's this bloke down my local polo club who does pay day loans. It's 1000 percent interest, but we could hide under the bed when he comes for his payments.

DAVID CLIPS GEORGE AROUND THE EAR.

DAVID
George proper budget please. Before I beat you till you look Liberal Democrat.

GEORGE
Sorry David; we'll sell the NHS to BHS, make Sure Start centres quick finish abortion clinics and fine the poor till they stop being poor.

DAVID
Excelent good traditional Conservative policies.

GEORGE
We could just raise taxes and ban city bonuses.

THEY BOTH LAUGH CRUELLY.

I like most of the sketch, but I would do more work on the policies at the end.

Something I have noticed about your sketches is that you have a tendency to string together lists of quickfire jokes of varying quality, rather than deciding which one is the winner and working it up. For me NHS to BHS is weak, and the abortion clinics one does not do much for me either. But I really like the idea of fining the poor for being poor. I think the joke would benefit from being spelt out and made more of. I don't know how Newsrevue portray Osborne, but is there any scope in making him sound more Bertie Wooster-ish? I would do it something like this:

G: Aha, I've a plan that will cut the deficit, and tackle poverty at the same time.
D: How are you going to do that?
G: By imposing fines on the poor.
D: For what?
G: For being bally poor of course. That'll make the blighters get up off their backsides and stop being poor.
D: Interesting. But won't the fines make them even poorer?
G: Absolutely, which means we can fine them even more. They won't be able to afford to be poor!
D: Brilliant. And in keeping with core conservative values. For a moment I was worried we might have to bite the bullet and tax the rich.
G: Can't do that old bean, absolutely disastrous for the economy. Where would be the jolly old incentive for people to work if we taxed them?

But you know the Newsrevue vibe much better than me, so I may be missing the mark entirely.

Thats better than mine why not put it together and send it off?

Cheers soots. How about this for a joint sketch:

DAVID CAMERON IS TALKING TO GEORGE OSBOURNE.

DAVID
George is our emergency budget ready for when we win the next election?

GEORGE
Absolutely old boy. Within 3 weeks we will have raised the trillion pounds needed.

DAVID
Fantasic. So will we have to raise taxes?

GEORGE
Good grief no. We'll simply turn over every sofa in Whitehall, there must be a billion or so in small change right there. And if that doesn't cover it there's a scratchcard that came the Daily Mail yesterday, it's for a billion pounds. I've scratched it and I've already got one cherry.

DAVID
You haven't got a clue have you George? What next put Maggie Thatcher's used kecks on ebay? Claim child support for William Hague?

GEORGE
Well it so happens there's this chap down the polo club - jolly decent sort - who does pay day loans. Now, it's 1000 percent interest, but we could always hide under the bed when his boys come round for the payments.

DAVID CLIPS GEORGE AROUND THE EAR.

DAVID
George proper budget please. Before I beat you till you look Liberal Democrat.

GEORGE
Ah, well, I do have a plan that will cut the deficit, and tackle poverty at the same time.

DAVID
How are you going to do that?

GEORGE
By imposing fines on the poor.

DAVID
For what?

GEORGE
For being bally poor of course. That'll make the blighters get up off their backsides and stop being poor.

DAVID
Interesting. But won't the fines make them even poorer?

GEORGE
Absolutely, which means we can fine them even more. They won't be able to afford to be poor!

DAVID
Brilliant. And in keeping with core conservative values. For a moment I was worried we might have to bite the bullet and tax the rich.

GEORGE
Can't do that old bean, absolutely disastrous for the economy. Where would be the jolly old incentive for people to work if we taxed them?

Oops I just sent a modified version, but I reckon you could still send it as a joint one, sort of.

No worries. If you are happy with your version then leave it be. (There's no ideas from me in there - it is all your inspiration.)

I'll send yours as an improved draft, they'll probably take it as it is the better version.

Okay, but please feel free to edit.

Tim.