British Comedy Guide

Not so retiring

More a collection of ideas, not sure if worth trying to something coherent with it

EXT – LARGE BUILDING – DAY.

SIGN OUTSIDE READS "THE WARRIOR RETIREMENT HOME"

CUT TO:

INT – LOUNGE

AN ELDERLY ORIENTAL MAN WITH A MING MOUSTACHE IS SITTING ON A CHAIR, SEEMINGLY ASLEEP. THE ANNOYING BUZZING OF A FLY BREAKS THE SILENCE.

SUDDENLY, AND WITHOUT OPENING HIS EYES, HE A "HELPING HAND"/GRASPING DEVICE IS THRUST INTO THE AIR. THE BUZZING IS CUT OFF ABRUPTLY.

THE CAMERA PANS TO THE WINDOW. IN THE GROUNDS OUTSIDE TWO GENTS CAN BE SEEN STICK FIGHTING WITH WALKING STICKS.

THE CAMERA MOVES ROUND TO THE CAR PARK, WHERE A YOUNG FAMILY ARE STANDING BY THEIR CAR. THE YOUNGEST CHILD IS CLEANING THE BONNET. GRANDPA STANDS BY LEANING ON HIS ZIMMER FRAME, WATCHING INTENTLY.

GRANDPA:
Wash on…Wash off…Good.

WE MOVE PAST THIS THROUGH A WINDOW INTO A ROOM, WHERE A MAN DRESSED IN A GLADIATOR'S TUNIC IS IN BED, HIS FAMILY SIT BY HIM.

MAN: (TO HIS GRANDKIDS, IN A CREAKY VOICE)
And then I said, I said: "My name is Maximis Decimus Meridius, young man, and you don't talk to me like that…" I'm thirsty, where's my tea?

THE CAMERA MOVES BACK INTO THE CORRIDOR. A NURSE IS WHEELING A TROLLEY OF TEA AND CAKES. SUDDENLY SHE TRIPS AND DISAPPEARS FROM VIEW. A SILVER-HAIRED OLD MAN DRESSED IN BLACK EMERGES FROM THE SHADOWS AND COMMANDEERS THE TROLLEY INTO HIS ROOM.

Something there Rob. :) is warriors a bit of an old fashioned term though. Would it be special forces or something like that?

Agreed something there, but not the final article. The helping hand is funny, and the gladiator reference. The walking sticks are a bit obvious. I may be a bit dim but I did not get the car washing or tea trolley segments.

Quote: Marc P @ November 21 2009, 1:29 PM GMT

Something there Rob. :) is warriors a bit of an old fashioned term though. Would it be special forces or something like that?

Yes, was a bit tacked-on. Guess was thinking of a play on the usual type of thing they have like "The Sunshine home for the elderly with a logo".

Quote: Timbo @ November 22 2009, 3:27 PM GMT

I did not get the car washing or tea trolley segments.

The car washing part was just a "Karate Kid" reference: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PycZtfns_U . Don't know how well-remembered it is.

Tea trolley was supposed to be an old ninja setting a trap to get his tea. Was searching for ideas by then.

Thanks for the feedback.

Agree with the others, something there. I can almost imagine it as a cutaway in a longer piece. Like a kid's imagination of what his Grandparents get up to when he's not around.

Nice idea, try again :)

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