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GORDON BROWN HAS HIS BACK TO THE AUDIENCE AND IS PAINTING WITH A BIG PAINTBRUSH ALA ROLF HARRIS. ALISTAIR DARLING IS WATCHING

GORDON
Ta ta, ooh ta, ooh, can you see what it is yet?

ALISTAIR
Oh Gordon you haven't written another letter have you?

GORDON
Yes my little chum I love the personal touch, it makes people think I'm more approachable.

ALISTAIR
You told 3 parents last week that you were glad their sons had grown up.

GORDON
So?

ALISTAIR
They'd been blown up in Afghanistan

GORDON
A simple mistake, how about me telling the French Prime minister his wife Carla Bruni was beautiful?

ALISTAIR
You buffoon we're at war with France after you said his wife Carla had a beautiful Brown Eye. ..Gordon seeing as you have your special brush, could you write me a shopping list.

GORDON
Absolutely what do you want Alistair?

ALISTAIR
A lorry, some Irish Wine and some pine nuts. And could you signe it please.

GORDON
Sure.

ALISTAIR
Now read it back.

GORDON
I'm sorry, I resign I'm nuts. Doh!

GORDON BROWN IS STANDING WITH ANDREA MERKEL WITH THE CZECH AND POLISH PRIMEMINISTER

ANGELA
On the 20th anniversary of the fall of the Berlin Wall we are proud to stand with the leaders of Eastern Europe to celebrate their joining the European Union.

GORDON
Where gypsies are free to settle where ever they choose. Where even the smallest country has the right to vote exactly how Brussels tells them to.

ANGELA
Where we value your recycling so much we fine you 2000 pounds if you misplace one can.

GORDON
And even Tony Blair can dream of becoming President.

POLISH AND CZECH START REBUILDING THE WALL.

ANGELA
What are you doing?

POLISH
Rebuilding the wall.

CZEKH
We may have had terrible recessions, been spied on 24/7 and unelected leaders but it can't be as bad as the EU.

GORDON
Can I join you?

POLISH
No even we have standards.