Suited for the role

NEWEST VERSION (No3) LOWER DOWN PAGE

INT. A WOMAN SITS BEHIND A DESK READING A JOB APPLICATION & C.V. SHE LOOKS UP FROM THE SHEET OF PAPER AND BEGINS TO SPEAK.

CLOSE UP OF WOMAN'S FACE

WOMAN:
Okay Paul this all seems fine, tell me, what makes you particularly suited to the position of spokesman for The Big Green Shoe Company?

CUT TO REVEAL PAUL SITTING IN CHAIR. HE IS A LARGE GREEN SHOE

PAUL:
Well I'm a big green shoe that can speak.

WOMAN:
I see.

PAUL:
Yes and I can switch the lace tie for a buckle if that helps?

WOMAN:
How lovely. So Paul here's the problem. I'm looking through your C.V. here and I can't see any relevant experience. We are really looking for someone who can hit the ground running.

PAUL:
I've got this

PAUL LIFTS HIS SHIRT TO REVEAL A LARGE BIRTHMARK ON HIS CHEST WHICH TAKES
THE SHAPE OF THE BIG GREEN SHOE COMPANY LOGO.

WOMAN:
That is impressive but still I..

PAUL:
I had a trial at the Small Red Brick Shop last summer

WOMAN:
Excellent, how was that?

PAUL:
Well they declined to offer me a contract after the three month period.

WOMAN:
And why was that?

PAUL:
They said they wanted someone less like a big green shoe. But then I saw your advert.

WOMAN:
Look, I'm really sorry but we just need someone with a some experience.
I'm afraid it's going to have to be a no. We'll keep your details on file
of course.

PAUL:
But my head looks exactly like a big green shoe. You make big green shoes.
I can speak, you want a spokesman. I am a speaking shoe that is big and green. Plus the old..

SHOWS HER THE BIRTH MARK AGAIN

you know?

LOOKS AT HER EXPECTANTLY

WOMAN:
I'm sorry, but our criteria was quite clear in the advertisement.

PAUL:
Yes I understand, thanks for your time.

WOMAN:
Not a problem. Best of luck for the future.

PAUL GETS UP AND WALKS TOWARDS THE DOOR. HE TURNS AROUND TO FACE
THE WOMAN

PAUL:
I could polish myself if that helps?

THE WOMAN SLOWLY SHAKES HER HEAD.

PAUL:
No...

HE DROPS HIS HEAD AND LEAVES THE ROOM CLOSING THE DOOR.

END

that bad eh?

Over the years, my most often-given advice has been to trim the script with a chainsaw.

When writing comedy, less is almost always more - usually much, much much more.

For example, here's a little sketch that's wouldn't disgrace any TV comedy show:

INT. A WOMAN SITS BEHIND A DESK READING A JOB APPLICATION & C.V. SHE LOOKS UP FROM THE SHEET OF PAPER AND BEGINS TO SPEAK.

CUT TO REVEAL PAUL SITTING IN CHAIR. HE IS A LARGE GREEN SHOE

I think you may recognise it.

I have to admit your version is a lot funnier. Thanks Roodeye. This learning curve is certainly a steep one.

I think I would go for some middle ground between the two versions. Milking the not being suitable angle is fine, but compared to looking like a shoe, the birthmark is actually a bit of de-escalation, and so detracts.

I would agree with Timbo's assesment.

Roodeye's version is probably closer to where it needs to be.

In my head head it was about obviously being suited for the role but not actually getting the job. See what Timbo means regarding de-escalation though. Thanks Timbo & Bigfella

Yeah, I think a balance needs to be struck between a straight up reveal and you're original long version. It's a workable idea, but I think people would get the idea without so much explanation that he is ideal for the job. Give it an edit.

Tried to take on board all the advice and come up with a revised version. any comments would be very useful.

INT. A WOMAN SITS BEHIND A DESK READING A JOB APPLICATION & C.V. SHE LOOKS UP FROM THE SHEET OF PAPER AND BEGINS TO SPEAK.

CLOSE UP OF WOMAN'S FACE

WOMAN:
Okay Paul this all seems fine, tell me, Do you have any relevant experience?

PAUL:
I wear a lot of shoes? 2 at time?

WOMAN:
We're looking for something more specific.

PAUL:
I've got this

PAUL LIFTS HIS SHIRT TO REVEAL A LARGE BIRTHMARK ON HIS CHEST WHICH TAKES THE SHAPE OF THE BIG GREEN SHOE COMPANY LOGO.

WOMAN:
I'm sorry, but our criteria was quite clear in the advertisement.

PAUL TENSES HIS BODY AND MUTATES INTO A LARGE GREEN SHOE

WOMAN:
That is impressive, but we really are looking for someone with more of a background in the field. We'll keep your details on file.

PAUL DEJECTEDLY HOPS TOWARDS THE DOOR IN THE FORM OF A GREEN SHOE BUT
CANNOT USE THE DOOR HANDLE.

PAUL:
Sorry could you?...

WOMAN GETS UP AND OPENS THE DOOR FOR HIM.

PAUL:
Thanks...

PAUL LEAVES THE ROOM.
END.

It still doesn't quite work Scratchyr. I think it is best to just hold back on letting the viewer see that he is a big green shoe, have the reveal, then he protests that how could anyone be more suitable, 'I've even got this' reveals shoe logo. She guides him out, saying we stil have other candidates to see before we make a decision and as they walk out there are all different types of green show people outside, high-heeled etc. Dunno, see what you think but it still needs rejigging.

The Giggle-o, So you think don't reveal the shoe appearance until later? really like the idea of having other shoes waiting, that could really work. Feel weird as it's your idea. I understand that's part of what this forum's about but I would feel unethical. Is this normal? Damn you and your good ideas!

I rather liked this it's kinda sweet and visual.

If you've got the will power for it I would be grateful for any feedback. Thanks.

INT. A WOMAN SITS BEHIND A DESK READING A JOB APPLICATION & C.V. SHE LOOKS UP FROM THE SHEET OF PAPER AND BEGINS TO SPEAK.

CLOSE UP OF WOMAN'S FACE

WOMAN:
Okay Paul this all seems fine, tell me, what makes you particularly suited to the position of Spokesman for The Big Green Shoe Company?

PAUL:
I wear shoes. 2 at time in fact.

WOMAN:
Do you have any experience as a spokesman?

PAUL:
Oh yes, I've been speaking since the age of three (beat) and I'm a man.

WOMAN:
Okay, Also we need someone who can really show commitment, be prepared to go that little bit further.

PAUL DESPERATELY LOOKS ROUND THE OFFICE AND SEES A METAL BIG GREEN SHOE COMPANY LOGO MOUNTED ON THE WALL. HE CONFIDENTLY STRIDES OVER TO IT AND REPEATEDLY SMACKS HIS FOREHEAD AGAINST IT WITH FORCE. HE TURNS TO FACE THE WOMAN AND SMILES TRIUMPHANTLY. THERE IS A BLEEDING, REVERSED INDENT OF THE LOGO ON HIS FOREHEAD.

PAUL:
How's that for dedication?

WOMAN:
It certainly is dedicated. Just a pity this isn't the Egral Neerg Eohs Ynapmoc.

SHE STARTS TO WALK PAUL TOWARDS THE DOOR.

WOMAN:
We do have other applicants to consider but we'll let you know in a couple of weeks.

PAUL:
No...wait, look

PAUL TENSES HIS BODY AND MUTATES INTO A LARGE GREEN SHOE

PAUL:
Ta Da!

WOMAN:
(USHERING PAUL OUT THE DOOR).
That's lovely, We'll be in touch

PAUL WALKS PAST OTHER WAITING APPLICANTS. HE POINTS TO THE BLEEDING LOGO WOUND ON HIS HEAD WHILST GLARING AT THE PEOPLE WAITING:

PAUL:
Yeah that's right, you might as well go home now, suckers.

THE OTHER APPLICANTS LOOK AT EACH OTHER CONFUSED.

WOMAN:
(READING FROM CLIPBOARD). Mr Brouge? This way please.

END.

Sorry for the bump but was really hoping to get just a little feedback on 3rd edit from the previous commenters. (Roodeye, Timbo & Bigfella). and of course anyone else. Sorry if this is well out of line, just trying discern if I'm getting closer or losing the plot.

Outrageous behaviour

Being honest, I think you are losing it. - said in a nice way!

Keep it short and simple.

I think it just needs.

Revel he is shoe.

That would be enough - but if you wanted more.

Show the door

Then see the other applicants are other types of green shoes.