SOOTYJ IS SITTING IN A HOTEL BAR WITH DAN AND JIM
JIM
We saw your show tonight, it was brilliant best comedy we ever saw. I work for Sky TV.
SOOTYJ
Oh thanks, do you guys watch a lot of comedy?
DAN
Nah we've never seen comedy before, so it was also the worst thing we've ever seen. Do you want a drink?
SOOTYJ
Erm ok could I get a shandy?
DAN
What from the bar? Who'd do you think you are Riki Gervaise?
SOOTYJ
I thought you never saw comedy?
JIM
No we don't, I just live in his shed, I've been having personal problems. Is he a comedian?
DAN
Any way have a drink.
POURS INTO JIM AND DAN'S GLASSES FROM A DODGY BOTTLE IN A PAPER BAG.
SOOTYJ
Oh well none for me I don't have a glass.
JIM
Who do you think you are Jimmy Carson? Open wide.
DAN DRINKS FROM HIS GLASS.
DAN
Wait don't I think this is the antifreeze you twonk, you left the wine in the car. We might need this to get going tomorrow.
JIM
Sorry mate, so I've got an idea for a sketch show. Me and Dan go round beating up people selling poppies, cos it's like all those flags it's like their in the BNP or something.
SOOTYJ
I'm not sure who'd film it.
DAN
I have look here it is on my mobi.
DAN SHOWS SOOTYJ HIS MOBI SOOTYJ RECOILS IN HORROR.
SOOTYJ
It's not really BBC is it, that old lady looks really hurt.
DAN
Maybe channel 4? It's dead ironic innit.
SOOTYJ
How is you killing some old woman with an economy jar of dill pickles ironic?
JIM
Cos we're in the nude.
DAN
And blacked up, except for our cocks.
SOOTYJ
Er you said you work for Sky TV.
DAN
Yeh I make documentaries, mostly about Jim. Infact only about Jim.
JIM
The way we figure it is there's no documentaries about me sitting in a shed crying about my exwife.
DAN
And playing with your sock puppet. I figure if no one's made this show the market must be wide open, so no stealing my idea or...hang on where's he gone.
SOOTYJ HAS WISELY DONE A RUNNER.
JIM
You know that sock puppet is just me wanking in a sock with me exwife's name on it.
SCENE2
SOOTYJ IS TYPING UP ON BCG.
SOOTYJ VO
So I met 2 fans today, they work for Sky TV and have a sketch show aimed at the BBC and Channel 4.
