I thought I would try writing a sketch everyday about "On this day in history"
No doubt it will last about two days.
Todays target is pretty straightforward.
5th November, 1605
King James 1 is putting on his royal robes for the state opening of parliament he is assisted by the Duke of Suffolk.
King : I hate giving speeches Suffolk.
Suffolk : Don't worry Your Majesty. I'm sure it'll go with a bang.
King : Do you think I should leave that joke in about the catholic and the prostitute?
Suffolk looks at the kings papers.
Suffolk : I think it's meant to say protestant.
King : Ah! That makes more sense. We don't want any explosions from the commoners do we?
Suffolk : Good crowd in today I'm told.
King: Is there enough drink in for the piss up afterwards?
Suffolk : Not really. But by some stroke of luck, I found a load of extra barrels in the cellar.
King: Good. What we got, Brandy?
Suffolk : Haven't a clue. But you know MP's they'll drink anything if it's free.
King : Delinquents.
Suffolk : They're animals actually Your Majesty. Do you know, they'd locked this poor little foreign chap down there.
King : No.
Suffolk : Yeah! Obviously a sex slave of some kind. All he had was a little flint with him to give him some warmth. I let him out, he was so grateful.
King : That's nice.
Suffolk lowers voice.
Suffolk : He wanted to thank you – sexually I think. He kept saying King – Boom!
King : Really.
Suffolk : I sent him away.
King : Ohthat's a shame. Anyway at least all this talk of an assination attempt came to nothing.
Suffolk : I told you Majesty! Nothing is going to get past me!
King : Do you fancy a quick loosener? Just to warm up the vocal cords.
Suffolk : What a good idea majesty.
Suffolk grabs two glasses and walks over to the barrels.
Suffolk : What do we have here? It's so dark I can't read the letters. Pass me that candle will you Sire!
King passes Suffolk the candle and he puts it close to barrels and boom!