An entry I will definitely not be using elsewhere. Had a feeling it might be a bit self-reflexive for them and it turns out I was right...
EXT. POOLSIDE - DAY
F/X: THE GENTLE SPLISH SPLASH OF WATER.
DR BARNES:
Well, it wasn't easy but I've finally completed my assignment for RFTP.
MR TEMPLE:
Congratulations.
DR BARNES:
Yes, they've failed to recognise my efforts thus far but this time my research into the field of training porpoises is sure to-
MR TEMPLE:
-I'm sorry, did you say "porpoises"?
DR BARNES:
Yes, of course.
MR TEMPLE:
That's... that's not what that is. RFTP stands for 'Recorded for Training Purposes'. It's a sketch show on Radio 4 that satirises modern communication.
DR BARNES:
What?! But I've dedicated the last three years to the nurturing and improvement of small cetaceans of the Phocoenidae family!
MR TEMPLE:
That's unfortunate.
DR BARNES:
Unfortunate?! Three years wasted on a night-and-day devotion to the descendants of land-living ungulates? Unfortunate?!
MR TEMPLE:
If I'd have known I would have said something.
DR BARNES:
How could you not realise? Why do you think I smell of fish all the time?
MR TEMPLE:
I didn't want to ask.
DR BARNES:
And why do you think we're standing next to this pool right now? This pool full of porpoises?
MR TEMPLE:
I thought they were going to do tricks or something.
DR BARNES:
That's exactly what they do! And do you know why? Because apparently I wasted 156 weeks of my life in the pursuit of training these spade-toothed dolphin wannabes!
MR TEMPLE:
Can I see a trick then?
DR BARNES:
(SIGH) Very well. Donny Osmond, show the man your hoop thing.
F/X: EXCITED PORPOISE CHATTER AND SPLASHING.
MR TEMPLE:
Wow, that's amazing!
DR BARNES:
Thank you.
MR TEMPLE:
Not much good for radio though.
END SKETCH
