The Zombie Apocalyse! BCG Stylee

Okay, completely unrealistic theoretical question time - you're at a BCG Meet Up and the zombie apocalyse begins (finally).

Aside from yourself, you're allowed to choose 5 BCG members to be part of your survival group. Who do you choose and why?

My choices -

DaButt - like myself, he has firearms training, plus he can smell out beer from 30 miles away. We also need someone to yell 'Yeehah!' whenever we kill a load of zombies and the film won't get financing unless we have an American in it.

Tim Walker - he's a doctor and in all good survival fiction, you need someone to represent the sane civilised voice of the audience as the world goes to hell. Throughout the course of the film, he'll go from wimpy liberal to stone faced killer whilst coming out with profound platitudes.

billwill - electronics expert - good for repairing equipment including radios, plus he can hand out sage and timely advice. bill will represent the greatest achivements of mankind which will be starkly juxtaposed against the apocalyptic backdrop.

Ellie JP - we can't have good drama without love triangles, so Ellie will be the token female, plus she looks like good breeding stock. Throughout the course of the film she'll go from crying fraidy cat to self reliant warrior woman - preferably in strategically torn clothing.

Morrace - because we need dramatic tension in the group and the audience will feel satisfaction when his selfish ways insure his own demise by the zombie hordes. Morrace will represent everything that's wrong with mankind and will be juxtaposed against billwill's character.

This is all meant as a bit of fun, so make your selections now before this descends into a series of personal attacks and the thread is closed.

This is all meant as a bit of fun, so make your selections now before this descends into a series of personal attacks and the thread is closed.

Aaron.

Every zombapocalypse has a moment where one of the gang is zombyfied and somebody else has to blow their head off with a shotgun. I'd like to be the guy with the shotgun.

Quote: Kevin Murphy @ October 30 2009, 2:17 AM BST

Aaron.

Every zombapocalypse has a moment where one of the gang is zombyfied and somebody else has to blow their head off with a shotgun. I'd like to be the guy with the shotgun.

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Too true. In my film, billwill get's zombified and Tim has to shoot him - lot's of moral angst and crying, especially as billwill says to Tim 'If anyone is going to shoot me, I want it to be you.'

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ October 30 2009, 2:20 AM BST

Too true. In my film, billwill get's zombified and Tim has to shoot him - lot's of moral angst and crying, especially as billwill says to Tim 'If anyone is going to shoot me, I want it to be you.'

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Well, maybe at the next Meetup.

Quote: Kevin Murphy @ October 30 2009, 2:22 AM BST

Well, maybe at the next Meetup.

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I've just cast you as the evil biker gang leader. You'll lead a pack of immoral looters including Scottidog, Jack Massey and James Cotter.

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ October 30 2009, 2:25 AM BST

I've just cast you as the evil biker gang leader. You'll lead a pack of immoral looters including Scottidog, Jack Massey and James Cotter.

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If I can have Lee Henman ride along as the crony I use to establish my evil credentials by shooting in the head on page 20, I'm sure I'll be able to live with the leather chafing.

Quote: Kevin Murphy @ October 30 2009, 2:32 AM BST

If I can have Lee Henman ride along as the crony I use to establish my evil credentials by shooting in the head on page 20, I'm sure I'll be able to live with the leather chafing.

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I'm happy with that, as long as I turn out to be a mutated strain of homo-zombie who comes back and makes you his little f**kbitch at the end of the movie, just when you think you've won.

I want to be with Kenneth, all the way in Australia far away from the pandemic happening in London.
Plus I bet a boomerang could make a great zombie killing weapon. From what I've learned in school every child in Australia is taught the art of boomerang decapitation right?

Quote: Curt @ October 30 2009, 4:40 AM BST

I want to be with Kenneth, all the way in Australia far away from the pandemic happening in London.
Plus I bet a boomerang could make a great zombie killing weapon. From what I've learned in school every child in Australia is taught the art of boomerang decapitation right?

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That film would be dripping in Antipodean Awesome Sauce. Maybe a character-based thing "Bruce Boomerang, Scourge Of The Undead Down Under".

I'd buy that movie right now

I can even see the sequel tagline: "One man. One boomerang. And it's back for more."

Bung me down as FEMALE WITH THE WEIRD FREAKY EYES who guards the petrol station.

Someone could attempt to shoot me, but I'd hold them off with my dead handy, Jamie Dodger/pitchfork combo.

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ October 30 2009, 2:13 AM BST

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DaButt - like myself, he has firearms training, plus he can smell out beer from 30 miles away. We also need someone to yell 'Yeehah!' whenever we kill a load of zombies and the film won't get financing unless we have an American in it.

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That would you make the unreliable English guy who goes nuts and gets shot into the cock.

Sorry no action movie can have 2 heroes and the American always comes out on top.

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ October 30 2009, 2:13 AM BST

Okay, completely unrealistic theoretical question time - you're at a BCG Meet Up and the zombie apocalyse begins (finally).

Aside from yourself, you're allowed to choose 5 BCG members to be part of your survival group. Who do you choose and why?

View original

I'll choose Curt because he made the effort to come to Australia. And at some point he will say to me "So, you finally decided to wear a Halloween mask?" and I can turn slowly and reply with a terrifying leer "This, is not a mask" and then smile, prompting Curt to promptly lose the plot.

Do I really have to choose four more? In which case, I choose Griff, Dolly Dagger, Suzie Cocktail and James Cotter. Why? Well, er, they should be fun company as they are all very good with the jokes. And because the script (by James Cotter) calls for Griff and Dolly to have a torrid affair, likewise James gets seduced by Suzie.

Standard deep-voiced trailer voiceover (by James Cotter) : "This Fall, they thought they had escaped the nightmare. But on the other side of the world, their trouble is only just beginning. And they're going to discover, that you can't kill Kenny."

To decapitate someone with a boomerang, it would need to be made from metal and shaped somewhat like a very large double-headed sickle. It might work, but catching it as it returns will result in the loss of fingers. Perhaps special effects (by James Cotter) can come up with a way of avoiding bloodshed.

Quote: sootyj @ October 30 2009, 7:12 AM BST

That would you make the unreliable English guy who goes nuts and gets shot into the cock.

Sorry no action movie can have 2 heroes and the American always comes out on top.

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Yep, the haughty gun-toting British character will try to take charge, lose the plot and cause more havoc rather than resolve it. The audience will be relieved when he gets his comeuppance.

I'd like to have Ruby there. That way, I could pretend to be a zombie and then chow down on her.

Hi Ben! I'm trying to decide in my 5, but am a bit cautious to have you and Stott in there, as you'd just keep telling me that Renegade Carpark would do better. Or if I included him too, you'd just be swooning all over the place, and we'd not know if you'd been attacked by zombies or love.

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ October 30 2009, 2:13 AM BST

. This is all meant as a bit of fun, so make your selections now before this descends into a series of personal attacks...

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You f**king idiot. Do you dream BCG?

(Was that the kind of thing you were after?)