A quick sketch

I wrote this ages ago and just found it, it made some people chuckle, but dunno if it's too much...?

INT. PUB- NIGHT
A group of friends, ROB, KATY, CLAIRE and PHIL are sitting around a pub table.

ROB
So, he said "do you want that now or later?"

Everyone laughs.

KATY
Ha! Oh dear I nearly swallowed my chewing gum.

CLAIRE
My mum told me I'd die if I swallowed chewing gum.

ROB
Yeah, my mum used to tell me that if I swallowed apple pips an apple tree would grow in my stomach.

KATY
What are mums like? Mine always told that if pulled a funny face and the wind changed my face would stay like that.

PHIL
My mum used to say "Philip don't ever stare at the sun."

The group fall silent.

PHIL
Is it my round?

ROB
Yeah.

Phil gets up smiling to himself. He has a white stick and guide dog.

It is a clever idea and neatly executed, but it made me gasp more than laugh. I have a blind mate, and he makes a lot of jokes about his disability, but I suspect it is a bit like Chris Rock making jokes about niggas - not necessarily a licence for you to do the same.

Quote: Timbo @ October 22 2009, 7:47 PM BST

It is a clever idea and neatly executed, but it made me gasp rather laugh. I have a blind mate, and he makes a lot of jokes about his disability, but I suspect it is a bit like Chris Rock making jokes about niggas - not necessarily a licence for you to do the same.

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Interesting point Timbo. The gag isn't about the blindness (as Phil smiles to himself because he's made his friends uncomfortable). It's about the awkward times when you mention something imperfect or wrong about yourself and no one knows what to do. I have a lot of people in my family who are only sighted in one eye (through a weird coincidence of illness and accident) - I sometimes find jokes about Gordon Brown having a similar problem a little unfair.

I can't stand the sight of blind people either, Dolly. Very funny.

Just knocked up an alternative ending, if you want a choice!
______________________________________________________________________

PHIL
My round, I think...

PHIL GETS UP. HE HAS A WHITE STICK AND A GUIDE DOG.

KATY
(QUICKLY) Before you go, Phil - what did your mum say?

PHIL
She said, "You know what happens , Philip, if you keep playing with yourself.

THE CROWD ALL LOOK AT EACH OTHER

PHIL
(CHEERFULLY) Same again?

______________________________________________________________________

Quote: Morrace @ October 22 2009, 8:11 PM BST

I can't stand the sight of blind people either, Dolly. Very funny.

Just knocked up an alternative ending, if you want a choice!
______________________________________________________________________

PHIL
My round, I think...

PHIL GETS UP. HE HAS A WHITE STICK AND A GUIDE DOG.

KATY
(QUICKLY) Before you go, Phil - what did your mum say?

PHIL
She said, "You know what happens , Philip, if you keep playing with yourself.

THE CROWD ALL LOOK AT EACH OTHER

PHIL
(CHEERFULLY) Same again?

______________________________________________________________________

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Well I guess it's a less subtle way of Phil making a joke of everyone else.

Quote: Dolly Dagger @ October 22 2009, 8:08 PM BST

I sometimes find jokes about Gordon Brown having a similar problem a little unfair.

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I recall another mate of mine commenting that he was grateful to David Blunkett because he had made it acceptable to be cruel about blind people.

Quote: Timbo @ October 22 2009, 8:14 PM BST

I recall another mate of mine commenting that he was grateful to David Blunkett because he had made it acceptable to be cruel about blind people.

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Aw, I do think people are worried about saying anything about someone with a disabilty or difference, but on the other extreme there's some terrible things said about people based on nothing else.

I've made jokes in my stand-up routine about conditions that affect close family members and possibly myself one day; some of the audience gasp, some laugh, some aren't sure what to do. There's no malice intended, just trying to make light of sad situations. It's a difficult area though...

Quote: Dolly Dagger @ October 22 2009, 8:13 PM BST

Well I guess it's a less subtle way of Phil making a joke of everyone else.

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Subtle? Down Aisle 25, Dolly.

Quote: Dolly Dagger @ October 22 2009, 8:19 PM BST

Aw, I do think people are worried about saying anything about someone with a disabilty or difference, but on the other extreme there's some terrible things said about people based on nothing else.

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I think often disability or difference tend to be harked on when the person themself is considered a legitimate target. I had an unpopular boss who was extremely short, inevitably known behind his back as Lofty. His PA, who had somehow succeeded in bonding with the bloodless twerp, used to get very annoyed at all our heightest jokes (though, I still think that my response when accused of kissing arse - that I couldn't stoop so low - was rather good).

Quote: Roodeye @ October 22 2009, 8:29 PM BST

In fact, the more I think about this sketch, the better it gets.

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Laugh is blind.

Quote: Morrace @ October 22 2009, 8:35 PM BST

Laugh is blind.

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I didn't see that one coming.

Quote: Roodeye @ October 22 2009, 8:45 PM BST

I didn't see that one coming.

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There'll be another one along in a minute.

I like the sketch but I think you could safely lose either "apple pips" or "face pulling", i.e. there's one exchange too many.

Rood

See what I did there? I poked your eye out!

I <3 Morrace.

You are a consistantly funny chap..