Al Qaeda seek new funding

OFFICE WITH DESK. BIN LADEN APPROACHES IN AL QAEDA GET UP WITH A BRIEF CASE.

BANKER: Ah hello, please take a seat

BIN LADEN: Thank you...you British imperialist fatuous scumbag!

BIN LADENS SITS, RELAXED WITH A SMILE AND LEGS CROSSED

BANKER: Um...yes. Mr?

BIN LADEN: Laden. Bin Laden

BANKER: Mr Laden I understand you are looking for funding for your company Qaeda Incorporated

BIN LADEN: That's right. We want to expand our overseas operations particularly in the aviation sector. We're looking at routes into London and other major cities following on from our success in the US market. New York in particular was a blast!

BANKER: I see. What else can you tell me about this organisation?

BIN LADEN: Qaeda Inc. is the holding company with subsiduaries Qaeda Air, Cave Real Estate and a company specialising in express skyscraper demolition: Tower Splat Ltd.

BANKER: Interesting. How much are you looking for?

BIN LADEN: A 1000 goats, a Remington beard trimmer and an Argos store card. Failing that £1.25 billion.

BANKER: Excellent. Clearly you know what you are doing so we'd be delighted to help. Here are the keys to the Bank of England. You'll lock up on the way out and bring the keys back won't you?

BIN LADEN: You have my word...you barbarous prophet murderering bastard!

[THE SHAKE HANDS AS THE KEYS ARE HANDED OVER]

END

I thought a bit more could be done with the premise, with that, it was still a good sketch.

Yeah, I have thought that since posting - it's a start at least.

BIN LADEN: A 1000 goats, a Remington beard trimmer and an Argos store card. Failing that £1.25 billion.

That line made me laugh

Hi, liked this, could imagine Mark Heap as the banker, in fact it feels a bit like a 'Big Train' sketch - in a good way.

I think the lines, 'you British imperialist fatuous scumbag!', Tower Splat Ltd.', 'you barbarous prophet murdering bastard!', is over the top and not particularly funny (sledgehammer/walnut springs to mind). Osama bin Laden in this instance is a businessman - albeit an Arabian/terrorist businessman and should be played as such. Another thing, English is not bin Laden's first language - so the lines including 'That's right', 'We're looking at...' become 'That is right' and 'We are looking at...' As for the line, 'New York in particular was a blast!' – well, that's a bit like the Gas Chambers gag – 'It was a gas!' Old gag.

Also, the bin Laden line, 'A thousand goats, a Remington beard trimmer and an Argos store card.' didn't work for me. That dialogue be fine for your average goatherd/suicide-bomber - but Osama bin Laden is a very wealthy, educated man; he could probably buy Remington's and Argos and purchase Tesco with the change.

I agree with Paul W when he says 'a bit more could be done with the premise' - in fact I think your idea of Osama bin Laden asking a bank manager for funding is a great idea and a hell of a lot more could be done with it.