Modern Day Freaks of Nature Page 2

Quote: Tim Walker @ October 12 2009, 4:11 PM BST

'Passengers On The Good Ship Wetherspoons'

The people who seem to spend their entire lives in Wetherspoon pubs. They eat their breakfast, lunch and dinner there, whilst slowly but steadily consuming alcohol all day. They're like pilgrims on some mad journey to oblivion and come in all shapes and sizes - but they share in common the same look of sick, futile despair. I suspect many of them conduct all the major events of life within the confines of Wetherspoons - births, marriages, divorces, deaths. funerals. They are like a section of the community that has been cast adrift by the rest of society.

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You've pretty much summed up the plots to both EastEnders and Coronation Street.

Quote: Tim Walker @ October 12 2009, 4:11 PM BST

'Passengers On The Good Ship Wetherspoons'

The people who seem to spend their entire lives in Wetherspoon pubs. They eat their breakfast, lunch and dinner there, whilst slowly but steadily consuming alcohol all day. They're like pilgrims on some mad journey to oblivion and come in all shapes and sizes - but they share in common the same look of sick, futile despair. I suspect many of them conduct all the major events of life within the confines of Wetherspoons - births, marriages, divorces, deaths. funerals. They are like a section of the community that has been cast adrift by the rest of society.

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I think you're reading too much into this Tim. These people just like getting pissed on the cheap.

Quote: zooo @ October 12 2009, 4:17 PM BST

Does this bra suit me, Benjy?

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Jesus I've got a new sexual fantasy!

Jesus isn't interested in your sexual fantasies. He's got enough of his own. Dirty bastard.

Quote: zooo @ October 12 2009, 4:22 PM BST

Jesus isn't interested in your sexual fantasies. He's got enough of his own. Dirty bastard.

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Like being nailed? >_<

A variant of the Shy Girlfriend...

'The Loyalty Tester'

The new girlfriend of one of your best mates (one who's usually had difficulties with the ladies in the past), who is introduced to his group of friends one evening down the pub.

She is usually very pretty, but very quiet and shy. Your friend looks adoringly at her, obviously hoping that all his mates will like her also. However, as the evening wears on and she gets a few drinks inside of her, she changes into a loud and very forward girl. At some point in the evening she discreetly makes an inappropriate comment to you or one of the other men, usually along the lines of how "she really likes" your mate, but "fancies" you or them instead.

Thus, the loyalty to your friend is tested against the your sexual impulses. This situation rarely has a happy ending.

Quote: Renegade Carpark @ October 12 2009, 3:36 PM BST

Fat Barrows - very overweight people who use those elderly electric buggys to get around, not because they're paralysed or have shattered spines, but because they're obesely heavy, lazy and 'their knees hurt'. You can often see them in convention centres, yes, they use them indoors as well.

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I never had one of these!

I think I must have missed out!

Quote: Tim Walker @ October 12 2009, 4:11 PM BST

'Passengers On The Good Ship Wetherspoons'

The people who seem to spend their entire lives in Wetherspoon pubs. They eat their breakfast, lunch and dinner there, whilst slowly but steadily consuming alcohol all day. They're like pilgrims on some mad journey to oblivion and come in all shapes and sizes - but they share in common the same look of sick, futile despair. I suspect many of them conduct all the major events of life within the confines of Wetherspoons - births, marriages, divorces, deaths. funerals. They are like a section of the community that has been cast adrift by the rest of society.

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Yeah, Wetherspoons is great isn't it

Bus Talkers - The mad wanker who seems to constantly ride the bus and knows not only the bus drivers life story but everyone on the bus but you, they purposely try to start a convosation with you regardless of how much you turn the otherway or if you're listening to your I-pod.

These people can also smell of piss and talk to themselves.

Quote: Lee Henman @ October 12 2009, 4:11 PM BST

Sunshine Frontsteppers:

Only found on rough council estates. These are people who, in the summertime, prefer to sit outside on their front doorstep rather than the privacy of their back gardens.

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Sounds like my neighborhood, except we tend to sit out on the driveway and watch the world go by. The women bring snacks like popcorn and cookies and everyone drinks beer and has a good time while the kids ride their bikes in the street. The various family dogs sometimes join in on the fun - minus the beer, of course.

Has anyone covered 'Internet People' yet?

Cinema Chatters.

You know who you are, you f**kers. Why do you do it? Why can't you just die or something? No, really.

Teen Bus DJs, with their ipods spewing out shit music with lots of added distortion and no bass.

Ooh Ooh ... I've got one. F**king charity muggers. Leeds is littered with them. I use to dodge 'em but now I walk straight through the pack. There were 5 from Shelter stood at a major cross-section in the city earlier. They daren't come near me now ... f**kers!!

Quote: Lee Henman @ October 12 2009, 4:11 PM BST

Sunshine Frontsteppers:

Only found on rough council estates. These are people who, in the summertime, prefer to sit outside on their front doorstep rather than the privacy of their back gardens. A lot of Sunshine Frontsteppers take the idea further, and actually put bouncy castles / paddling pools in the front garden or yard so as to keep the kids front of house too.
This is because Sunshine Frontsteppers are so unutterably bored of life that they're terrified of missing anything that might be going on in the street, eg: Next door's alsation being taken away for savaging their toddler, drugs busts etc.
Sunshine Frontsteppers also use sitting on their front step as a method of starting arguments with unwary passers-by. Whatever you do, don't accidentally look one in the eye, for the dreaded words "What the f**k you lookin' at?" will swiftly follow.

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I think I've said this before, but anyway, hasn't it occured to you that they might not get any sun in their back yard/garden? When I was growing up, my family didn't sit on the front step (or live on an estate), but there must've been times when they were tempted to, because we didn't get any sun in our back garden, due to the location/position of our house.

Clueless Australians: There are way too many of them.