Hello folks 
. Two sketches here, didn't want to clog up critique. They are a little out of date but I just wanted to stick them up here to see what people think of them otherwise I'm just not getting any idea of what to change/where I'm going wrong/where I'm going right (if at all) as nothing ever came of them. Any feedback greatly appreciated. Thanks fellow critique people.
COLEEN NOLAN AND KERRY KATONA CHEW THE FAT
COLEEN AND KERRY STAND OVER A TABLE WITH BOXES OF FOOD.
COLEEN
Oooo! Look at all this lovely Iceland food Kerry, it's sooo cheap!
KERRY
I know Coleen! Only £5 for a great big bag of meat to stick on't barbie.
COLEEN
It's all sooo lovely, I just find it impossible to resist temptation these days.
KERRY
I know, my favourites are these meat flavoured dinosaur figures. They're made with 55% real meat product.
COLEEN
But no real dinosaur?!
KERRY
Ha, no, don't be silly, Iceland care about their customers. The Iceland promise to all customers clearly states that they will only sell food that you and I would eat.
COLEEN
Now that is reassuring! Have you tried these new mechanically reclaimed meat-balls.
KERRY
Oh Coleen, you're teasing me!
COLEEN
That reminds me, how you getting on with your diet, Kerry?
KERRY
It's going really well, thanks.
COLEEN
Oh, well done you!
KERRY
Thanks Coleen. Thing is, now I've 'ad me stomach stapled like, I can only manage 3 mini barbecue burgers, 4 prawn skewers, 6 chicken drumsticks, 2 meat pizzas, 4 rocket lollies and a couple a pints. I've really had to cut back.
END OF SKETCH
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SKETCH 2 – GORDON BROWN AT THE COMMUNITY SHIELD
GARY LINEKER SITS WITH GORDON BROWN; IN THE BACKGROUND (IN BROWN'S VIEW) AN AIDE IS STOOD NEXT TO A BIG PAD ON A TRIPOD (THINK 'WIN, LOSE OR DRAW').
GARY LINEKER
And now we've got a surprise for viewers at home. Gordon Brown was in the stands watching the match and he's kindly agreed to come and discuss the game with us. Gordon thanks for coming up.
GORDON BROWN
Och, hello. Don't worry, it's ma pleasure.
GARY LINEKER
So what did you make of the game then Gordon?
HIS AIDE FLAPS BACK A SHEET; IT READS 'WELL IT'S A GAME OF TWO HALVES'
GORDON BROWN
Well, it's a game of two halves.
GARY LINEKER
Yes, it was a game of two halves, wasn't it. United dominated the opening exchanges but Chelsea really came back strongly in the second half didn't they?
AIDE FLAPS OVER ANOTHER SHEET; IT READS 'YES'.
GORDON BROWN
Yes.
GARY LINEKER
So do you think the right team won in the end?
AIDE FURIOUSLY POINTS AT 'YES' SHEET.
GORDON BROWN
Yes… [THE AIDE THEN QUICKLY TURNS THE PAGE; IT READS 'THE BLUES'] …the blues.
GARY LINEKER
Even though Chelsea scored after playing on when Evra had gone down injured?
AIDE FLAPS OVER A SHEET; IT READS ALEX FERGUSON; THEN FLAPS OVER ANOTHER; IT READS 'SICK AS A PARROT'
GORDON BROWN
Alex Ferguson…sick as a parrot.
GARY LINEKER
Yes, he was really building up a head of steam there, and he gave the ref the famous blow drier treatment at the end.
BROWN LOOKS DUMBFOUNDED; THE AIDE SHRUGS SHOULDERS THEN FLICKS THROUGH SOME SHEETS; SHE PASSES THROUGH 'TOO GOOD TO GO DOWN', 'NO EASY GAMES', 'AT THE END OF THE DAY'…
GARY LINEKER
Gordon? Are you ok?
SHE ARRIVES AT 'OVER THE MOON'
GORDON BROWN
He'll be over the moon [AIDE WILDLY SHAKES HEAD]…sorry, he *won't* be over the moon [HE SMILES TO HIMSELF AND GIVES AIDE THUMBS UP]
LINEKER LOOKS OVER HIS SHOULDER; THE AIDE QUICKLY SWEEPS THE PAGES BACK AS HE WATCHES HER.
GARY LINEKER
Gordon, did you actually watch the game?
GORDON BROWN
Och, of course I did Gary.
GARY LINEKER
Well, what was the score. [THE AIDE TRIES TO SIGNAL WITH HER FINGERS; LINEKER QUICKLY LOOKS BACK AT THE AIDE WHO DROPS HER HANDS DOWN BY HER SIDES]
GORDON BROWN
Oh, uhm, it was 20-15, to the blues! And a good game of end-to-end rugby it was too.
THE AIDE WIPES HER FACE REALISING THE GAME IS UP.
END SKETCH