Relative newbie to this game but have sent stuff to Newsjack, which they said they liked and to send stuff in (never put anything on though, the bastards). Now having a go at Watson's Wind Up. Going to have a look around the place, shove me nose in a few places and maybe finger some of the items.
A big Bastard hello 
Hiya Bert!
Bloody hell. That was quick.
Oh, yes. We're all quick on this forum. Not witty, just quick...
Oh well. I can empathise with that. 
Welcome in; mind the step...
I see you'll fit right in 
Hi & Welcome Bert.
Welcome Mr Bastard.
Welcome to you, new person.
Hello there person of questionable parentage!
Howdy!
You put the Star into bastard
What a lovely welcome. I was hoping for the Nobel Peace Prize but you can't have everything.