Post 4000 then, and almost exactly one year to the day after post 2000. Anyway, here's something I wrote for The Works which they didn't want.
Dan
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CLASS SKETCH UPDATE
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STOOD LEFT-TO-RIGHT ON STAGE ARE A BANKING EXECUTIVE (SHORTEST, SUIT, BRIEFCASE), MIDDLE-CLASS FAMILY MUM (MIDDLE HEIGHT, GLASSES, CARDIGAN, HOLDING A BOOK), CHAVETTE SCUM (TALLEST, SMOKING A ROLL-UP, PLAYING WITH A MOBILE, BASEBALL CAP, TRACKSUIT, TRAINERS).
BANKING EXEC:
I look up to them because I am the former chief executive of a bank.
FAMILY MUM:
I look down on her, because she is the chief executive of a bank, but I look up to her, because she is of the criminal underclass, terrifying and immune from an ineffective justice system or vigilante retribution. (PAUSE) I am middle-income.
CHAVETTE SCUM:
I know my place. I look down on 'em both, but I don't look down on 'er (FAMILY MUM) as much as I look down on 'er (BANK EXECUTIVE), because she 'as got inbreeding.
BANKING EXEC:
I have got inbreeding, and I have not got any money, so sometimes I look up to her (FAMILY MUM).
FAMILY MUM:
I still look down on her (BANKING EXEC), because although I have money, it is worthless due to her breaking the interest rate. It is more worthless than her (CHAVETTE SCUM) money, as hers is counterfeit and thus unaffected by exchange rates, so I still look up to her.
CHAVETTE SCUM:
I know my place. I look down on 'em both, but while I am rich, I am lazy, dishonest and untrustworthy. Had I the inclination, I could look up to them. But I don't. (BEAT) Mainly because I am lazy.
FAMILY MUM:
We all know our place, but what do we get out of it?
BANKING EXEC:
I get a feeling of inferiority from them.
FAMILY MUM:
I get a feeling of inferiority and injustice from her (CHAVETTE SCUM), but a feeling of superiority over her (BANKING EXEC), because The Telegraph told me to.
CHAVETTE SCUM:
I give 'em a pain in the neck... (GRABS THEM BOTH IN A HEADLOCK) Now – gimme your mobiles!
END