Quote: Marc P @ October 2 2009, 10:02 AM BSTWho does them then, the cleaner?
Cue sketch on the state of the NHS by Sooty.
Sonographers do them. One who did mine thought she was a comedian. She'd laugh to herself as she was doing it, all cocky in the knowledge that she knew the sex of my baby and I didn't. Then she kept chuckling and said "oh dear, poor you. All I'll say is don't buy any newborn size clothing. You'll need at least two months plus. Ha ha." Bitch.
Quote: Marc P @ October 2 2009, 10:02 AM BSTWho does them then, the cleaner?
Why do I suspect you have a special sonogram butler?
Quote: sootyj @ October 2 2009, 10:09 AM BSTWhy do I suspect you have a special sonogram butler?
Thanks sootyj, tim and dolly! The original idea that I had was that the nurse would be played by a man (watching marek larwood influenced me), but I didn't add that bit because I wanted to see what people thought of it au naturel. Thanks for reading and offering further suggestions.
Quote: Dolly Dagger @ October 2 2009, 10:05 AM BSTSonographers do them. One who did mine thought she was a comedian. She'd laugh to herself as she was doing it, all cocky in the knowledge that she knew the sex of my baby and I didn't. Then she kept chuckling and said "oh dear, poor you. All I'll say is don't buy any newborn size clothing. You'll need at least two months plus. Ha ha." Bitch.
I do like the bit in Juno where Juno's mother puts the ultrasound technician in her place.
Quote: Tim Walker @ October 2 2009, 2:42 PM BSTI do like the bit in Juno where Juno's mother puts the ultrasound technician in her place.
That's one of the few warm moments in that whole movie.
Quote: The Giggle-o @ October 2 2009, 2:14 PM BSTThanks sootyj, tim and dolly! The original idea that I had was that the nurse would be played by a man (watching marek larwood influenced me), but I didn't add that bit because I wanted to see what people thought of it au naturel. Thanks for reading and offering further suggestions.
Oh now that has made it twice as good a male nurse is inspired.
Quote: The Giggle-o @ October 2 2009, 2:14 PM BSTThe original idea that I had was that the nurse would be played by a man (watching marek larwood influenced me), but I didn't add that bit because I wanted to see what people thought of it au naturel.
Quote: The Giggle-o @ October 2 2009, 12:01 AM BSTTHE NURSE CARESSES HER STOMACH SOFTLY WITH HER HAND.
Just some random thoughts in case they help at all:
at our hospital the woman always goes into the room first on her own with the sonographer with the partner left in the waiting room - maybe there's potential for a scene here when the couple are split up.
Midwives don't normally do scans but some trained ones can up to twelve weeks ish. Male midwives are quite rare but one of them, Denis Walsh was in the news recently for saying that women should try to go without pain relief - maybe a series of sketches with a male midwife and the same couple through different aspects of the pregnancy (ultrasound, parent craft, labour)?
Quote: Humberfloob @ October 2 2009, 5:41 PM BSTJust some random thoughts in case they help at all:
at our hospital the woman always goes into the room first on her own with the sonographer with the partner left in the waiting room -
Weird, I've never heard of that. I wonder why they do that? Unless you're talking about internal pregnancy scans -that's a whole different subject ripe for lots of jokes!
Some hospitals have an Early Pregnancy Unit so if the woman comes in with bleeding say and they want to check if the fetus is still viable the trained midwives can check themselves without having to send the woman down to wait in radiography, or if it's out of hours - not sure that's particularly fertile ground for comedy but there you go.
Quote: Humberfloob @ October 2 2009, 6:16 PM BSTSome hospitals have an Early Pregnancy Unit so if the woman comes in with bleeding say and they want to check if the fetus is still viable the trained midwives can check themselves without having to send the woman down to wait in radiography, or if it's out of hours - not sure that's particularly fertile ground for comedy but there you go.
I've had many myself.
Quote: sootyj @ October 2 2009, 2:59 PM BSTOh now that has made it twice as good a male nurse is inspired.
I don't think I worded it very well, I meant a man dressed as a female nurse (i.e. a transvestite). You might have understood but no thanks to how I wrote it.
Cheers for the info Humberfloob!
Yeah, thanks for picking me up on the wording there Morrace, I'll have to edit it.
Thank you, one and all.
Quote: The Giggle-o @ October 2 2009, 7:19 PM BSTI don't think I worded it very well, I meant a man dressed as a female nurse (i.e. a transvestite).
That's more like it, Giggle-o!
Let's have an obvious hairy old trannie nurse with a 'tache or a beard, fiddling with mum-to-be's bits 'n' tits - that would be brilliant!
Hubby is politely protesting without stating the bleedin' obvious - and his wife screams at naive hubby, "Get that f**kin' trannie out my fanny!!"
YES!! I'd enjoy that! 'Au naturel' is for wimps!
Hello everyone, I have added some more to the sketch so it doesn't end so abruptly. I'd be interested to hear/read your thoughts. Thanks in advance for any comments.
HUSBAND
Err… well, we were discussing it the other day and we decided we'd wait, keep it as a bit of a bit of a surpr…
NURSE
…it's a girl.
THE COUPLE ARE AGHAST.
HUSBAND
Right, come on we're leaving.
HE GRABS HIS WIFE'S HAND AND SHE MOTIONS TO GET UP.
NURSE
No! [SHE PUSHES THE PATIENT DOWN BY HER STILL BARE STOMACH] We haven't finished.
HUSBAND
No, this really isn't on and you've just spoilt the surprise for us.
NURSE
I was only joking. It's not really a girl.
WIFE
Oh right, so it's a boy then?!
NURSE
Well, that's you who's said that now isn't it? Look let me just finish the procedure your all ready and I've got the equipment set up.
NURSE RUNS THE ULTRASOUND OVER HER AGAIN; THE COUPLE WATCH HER INTENTLY; NURSE CHUCKLES TO HERSELF.
HUSBAND
Why are you laughing?
NURSE
There's no heart beat!
WIFE
What?!
NURSE
I'm afraid all we can do is perform an emergency caesarean.
WIFE
But I'm only 12 weeks pregnant!
NURSE
Do you want this baby to live or not?!
HUSBAND
(DISBELIEVING) How exactly do you propose to save the baby if it hasn't got a heart beat?
NURSE
We need to cut the baby out so I can give him mouth-to-mouth.
HUSBAND
We're definitely going now!
THE NURSE FLOPS ON TO THE PATIENT'S STOMACH AND SOBS.
NURSE
No little baby, don't let them take you from me again.
DR HUSSEIN WALKS IN TO THE ROOM
DR HUSSEIN
Hell…(HE SEES THE NURSE SOBBING ON THE WORRIED PATIENT'S STOMACH) oh no, not again!
END
