FOOTBALL TEAM ON A PLANE.
STEVE:
Hey Gary, what do you think Jesus would be like if he was around today?
GARY:
(BEMUSED) What? Where did that come from?
STEVE:
Seriously. Do you think he would be the pius holier than thou figure we see in the bible or would he be just one of the lads, drinking beer and having a laugh?
GARY:
I really don't know and It's not like we're ever going to find out.
JUST THEN THE PLANE IS STRUCK BY LIGHTENING AND IT STARTS DESCENDING RAPIDLY. ALL THE PLAYERS BEGIN TO PANIC AND JUST BEFORE THE INEVITABLE IMPACT A THIRD PLAYER ANDY TURNS TO STEVE...
ANDY:
(OVER THE SOUND OF THE ENGINES)I'VE ALWAYS LOVED YOU.
STEVE:
What?
ANDY:
I said I've always loved...
THE PLANE RETURNS TO NORMAL.
...(meekly) you.
AWKWARD SILENCE.
ANDY:
I mean.. I've always loved...um... the way you play.
STEVE:
No way. I heard what you said.
ANDY:
Well we all should have died. This was'nt supposed to happen. That's it. I'm suing, I'm suing God!
VOICEOVER:
And so it was on October 6th that professional footballer Andy Wilson took his case to the high court and was suing God on 3 counts:
1. Saving his life in the face of certain death.
2. Taking overly extreme care of one of his creations.
3. Showing gross competence and thus causing extreme embarassment.
When Jesus did'nt show up for the first 2 days of the trial the judge and jury felt he may have something to hide and became a little suspicious.
Had Jesus played a cruel joke on poor Andy Wilson then had got caught out and was now afraid to face the consequences?.....No.
WE SEE JESUS ON THE STAND. HE HAD MID-LENGTH HAIR AND DESIGNER STUBBLE. HE IS SITTING CASUALLY WITH A SMIRK ON HIS FACE AND ANSWERS IN A LIGHT-HEARTED MANNER.
JESUS:
I was only messing with him. He should really learn how to take a joke. It was a bit of a laugh,that's all.
PROSECUTOR:
But you are playing with a mans barressment. Anyway how do we know that you are in fact Jesus. You don't even look like him.
JESUS:
Am I not allowed to change my image in 2000 years. Maybe you should take a leaf out of my book Mr.'Wearer of the same underwear for the past 4 days'.
THE PROSECUTOR LOOKS VERY EMBARASSED. JESUS LETS IT HANG FOR A FEW SECONDS.
JESUS:
Look I let the plane take a bit of a dive. I did'nt mess with free will. He said what he wanted to say. Who knows, it could be the start of something beautiful.
It's amazing what people will say when they think their number is up. I've heard some classic's over the years.
When Peter Sellars suffered multiple heart attacks in '64 he stated how he feared for the future of the moustache.
When George Lucas was in a serious car crash he was heard saying how much he loved Star Trek.
After Ozzy Osbournes bike crash and before he fell into a coma for 8 days he said: "La funnan guna renna ne Sharon".
See, we all say things we're not proud of. So in summary lighten up and am (nonchalantly) feck off.
HE TURNS AND HOPS OUT THE WINDOW.
END.
