Updated with the original punchline slightly altered, but still very much open to alternative suggestions.
SCENE. A FOREST GLADE.
ENTER MUSTARDSEED AND COBWEB SEVERALLY.
MUSTARDSEED
Cobweb, me old china!
COBWEB
Mustardseed! How are you doing you old bastard?
MUSTARDSEED
Bit delicate, truth be told. But then ten pints of lager and a vindaloo'll do that to you. Yourself?
COBWEB
Shagged out. I spent the night with a couple of nymphs.
MUSTARDSEED
Oh? Maniacs?
COBWEB
Not half.
MISTARDSEED
Not seen you since that time over at Oberon's place - when Peaseblossom got bladdered and asked that elf 'who he thought he was f**king looking at?'
COBWEB
Oh Christ, what a night that was. And how about that slapper Titania?
MUSTARDSEED
The donkey show? Don't f**king remind me.
ENTER PUCK.
PUCK
(VERY CAMP) Hullo boys.
MUSTARDSEED
(NOT PLEASED TO SEE HIM) Oh bollocks - it isn't?
COBWEB
(LIKEWISE) Robin Goodfellow.
PUCK
Oh silly, no-one calls me that now - much too 'hail-fellow-well-met'! No I'm Puck.
COBWEB
Yeah, about that...
PUCK
Yes?
COBWEB
It's the gnomes - they've been making up limericks.
MUSTARDSEED
Oh God, not the one about sucking off bees...
PUCK
Oh let them.
COBWEB
Look, don't take this wrong. It took a lot of guts to come out, and we all respect that, but could you just go back in a little bit?
MUSTARDSEED
You daren't look behind a bush on Pook's Hill.
PUCK
I'm fay and I'm gay. Get used to it.
COBWEB
What you do in the privacy of your own toadstool is up to you. But you're giving us fairies a bad name.
MUSTARDSEED
The other night I had the piss ripped out of me for being limpwristed - by a bloody pixie!
COBWEB
Oberon said he was going to speak to you about this.
PUCK
Oberon can kiss my fairy ring.
EXIT PUCK, WITH A FLOUNCE.
MUSTARDSEED.
You know who I blame for this 'fairies-are-gay' thing? That bastard Shakespeare.
COBWEB
Because he wrote that poncey play about us?
MUSTARDSEED
No, for introducing Puck to his Bottom.
FIN.
