How about a bit of Dick?
Oh, you are awful.. but I like you.
The BCG bar. Page 51
OH!! Matron!!!!
It's Happy Hour!!
I think the hour's gone now
But it was fun while it lasted
I loved the bit when you danced on the table and ... well best not mention that.
It was all skin coloured lycra I promise
And what about the heap of clothes under the table? The barmaid was shocked.
OK...............who has thrown up in the Gent's loo?! It's all over the wall tiles and jammed the Durex machine - I'm not cleaning it up !! 
Who had carrots with their hot-pot earlier on?
But everyone's sick has carrots in it even if you haven't eaten them.
Irony Willy? 
Whoosh! That went right over my head. 
And now I've got to stick my Trump back on.
Sorry, that was meant to read "Iron Willy".