I don't think I ever added this on here (apologies if I did) but here is an amalgamation of ideas for a sitcom I had last year which I ultimately abandoned but still think might be salvagable on some level. It's quite long so be aware...
SETTING THE SCENE
The programme at our local provincial theatre - The Broadway (now closed) - featured loads of tribute acts, Z-List celebs and X Factor losers. The owner was a short but brash Italian who's a local entrepreneur who owned restaurants, night clubs and loads of other stuff. He even tried to set up a casino in the city. He'd be great sitcom character.
The previous owner was Peter Boizot who started the Pizza Express chain and couldn't be more different in appearance. That might make an interesting twist to have them fighting over ownership.
What inspired the idea for the sitcom was the thought of having Freddie Mercury, Buddy Holly and Roy Orbison wander into the foyer of theatre and no-one bat an eyelid.
MAIN CHARACTERS
SUSAN BRIDGES (25) - The Regal entertainments manager who dreams of turning the theatre into one of the country's best venues but finds it virtually impossible to entice top stars
REX HARRIS (68) - The Regal's owner. Not decided how to portray him yet.
MARCO (32) - Local entrepreneur and property developer who wants to buy The Regal but only to demolish it to make way for a new development (which changes week-to-week)
MAMMA (61) - Marco's mother who Marco tries to 'pimp' to get Rex to sell up.
MURIEL (70) - Cleaner
REGAL EAGLES - The Regal house band hail from Newcastle and are in effect general staff for the theatre. Deluded enough to think they really are stars but regularly have petty arguments and split up. The dearth of talent on show at the Regal is such is that they are often perform as two separate Eagles tribute acts on the same night and then reform for a weekly farewell concert.
THE TWO DONNIES
Don Henley – drums, vocals
Don Felder – guitar, vocals
Randy Meisner – bass, vocals (Says little except for 'I'm Randy')
FREYING TONIGHT
Glenn Frey – guitar, vocals, keyboards
Timothy B. Schmit – bass, vocals
Joe Walsh – guitar, vocals, keyboards, talk box
Bernie Leadon – guitar, vocals, banjo, mandolin
Each time the s reform with different line-ups and terrible names and play paper-scissor-stone to see who gets Bernie.
Below is a preliminary episode outline and some dialogue in there to give you a flavour of the characters too. This particular episode would feature guest star Elvis Costello who would play a very brooding and sinister looking character similar to that of the penguin in Wallace & Gromit's 'The Wrong Trousers'.
EPISODE OUTLINE
Opening Titles: The Regal Eagles - Hotel California (with alternative lyrics each week reflecting the Fawlty Towers sign and Blackadder music)
Welcome to the Regal Town Theatre
Such a lovely place
Such a lovely place
Plenty of room at the Regal Town Theatre
Any time of year, you can find it here
Scene 1: Entertainments office.
Susan is on the phone talking to an agent and seems genuinely excited by the prospect of securing a big show for the Regal. She hangs up and puts her head in her hands.
SUSAN: What have I done.
DON: What's up?
SUSAN: I've just agreed to something I vowed I'd never do - I've booked us up with an Elvis tribute act.
GLEN: Aw No! I hate Elvis Presley!
MURIEL: Oh he's lovely. He can exercise my pelvic floor any time he likes.
DON: Bit difficult as he's been dead 30 years. Mind you, if you needed a stiffy he'd be about as hard as they come.
SUSAN: Elvis impersonators are ten a penny. We've got to try and attract a bigger names here.
BERNIE: Englebert Humperdink? That's a big name.
GLEN: No, that's a long name. She's not talking in number of letters Bernie.
BERNIE: Oh.
DON: Susan's right though. When is this place going to deal with the land of the living? We've got Buddy Holly on tonight, Freddie Mercury tomorrow and the Jimi Hendrix near-death Experience on Friday.
SUSAN: I had to get someone else in. I can't keep putting The Regal Eagles on - you've been on almost every week.
GLEN: And why not? We do have a residency here
SUSAN: No, you are residents here. You're squatting in the old projector room which reminds me, I want you out of there.
GLEN: Bugger.
DON: Maybe having Elvis ain't so bad. Should get a decent if demented crowd in though. I'll order more burgers. Let's see how many heart attacks we can get by the interval.
SUSAN: If we can get just one big star I'm sure other will follow. This is the trouble when you live in an anonymous urban barnacle off the A1. It's hardly Broadway is it? (BEAT) C'mon, break over guys. Let's get the place sorted for tonight. Bernie? Can you listen for the phone for five minutes?
BERNIE: Can't hear anything.
SUSAN: (SIGHS) Be sure to let me know if you do.
The team exits and Bernie is left alone and almost immediately the phone starts ringing. The first call is from another Elvis impersonator who Bernie assumes is the same guy as before. Then another calls and then another, all booking the same night. Bernie is not bright enough to realise he's multiple booking Elvis iimpersonators for the same night so it's no surprise that when Elvis Costello rings up he's treated in exactly the same way. Susan returns and is none the wiser.
Scenes 2 & 3: Marco, Mama and Rex
Character setting with Marco & Mama, Marco's mother, and Rex Harris the Regal's longstanding owner.
Marco is a local entrepreneur of Italian stock who dabbles in a wide variety business ventures, all fairly hairbrained but ultimately successful. He wants to buy the Regal but only to demolish it to make way for a new development which seems to changes week-to-week.
The Regal's owner, Rex Harris, doesn't want to sell but only because he doesn't want Marco to pull the place down. He doesn't need the hassle at his time of life but he sticks it out for the sake of the town's heritage. Marco does have a joker to play in that Rex fancies Marco's mother so he'll use her in anyway he can to get his way.
MAMA: What is this? You my pimple now?
MARCO: Pimp mama - I'm your pimp.
MAMA: How dare you? What would your father say?
MARCO: No, no, I don't mean...just go see Rex will ya? Use your charms, get him to sign an insanity clause, do anything but get him to give up the Regal.
Heated exchanges between Rex and Marco follow intertwined by sickly stuff between Rex and Mama.
Scene 4: Old Projector room
Character setting with the Regal Eagles
Scene 5: The Regal foyer (two weeks later)
The Regal is overrun with stereotyped Elvis' all doing the actions and singing loudly. Susan decides to get round the multiple bookings by holding an impromptu lookalike contest and hastily runs off some leaflets to get a few more punters in. She bumps into Elvis Costello who has arrived but is unimpressed by his outfit for the competition - she clearly hasn't recognised him.
Scene 6: Stage
A few ham-fisted Elvis' perform ropey renditions of classic hits before Elvis C is ushered forward.
Elvis C performs 'Oliver's Army' on stage with the Elvis impersonators behind him. They start to bop but then stop and look at each other confused. The audience gets restless and starts booing.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNMCWGCAIME
Scene 7: The Regal foyer
There follows chaos in foyer with arguments and shoving. Elvis C takes the opportunity to nick a packet of sweets from the refreshment counter and slip out the main entrance but he's spotted by Susan who announces over the tannoy: 'Elvis has left the building and he's nicked a packet of Revels!'
Kate from the ticket office runs out the door but shouts back that's OK because the Police are after him. Shortly after they return and it's not the Old Bill but a Police tribute act who have performed a citizen's arrest. Before handing him over Sting says: 'Every breath you take, every move you make, I'll be watching you.' before doing the cliched copper bending of the knees.
Later, Elvis Costello gives them the slip but is recaptured and a police line-up is organised with all the impersonators still in full regalia.
Scene 8: Police station
The impersonators annoy the duty seargent by singing 'Jailhouse Rock'. Susan walks down the line and half way she stops to find Elvis Costello with a sinister smile eating the sweets.
SEARGENT: Is the man who stole from the theatre?
Susan is about to say yes but suddenly Elvis fixes her with an angry stare. The camera shot cuts between the two faces getting closer each time.
SEARGENT: Madam? Is this the man?
SUSAN: Um, no. It's him (POINTS TO AN ELDERLY AND UNCONVINCING ELVIS BESIDE HIM)
SEARGENT: OK constable, take him away. (TO ELVIS C) Sir? (BEAT) Are you OK?
ELVIS C: Uh-huh-huh! (SWIVELS HIPS)
THE IMPERSONATORS THEN BEGIN ANOTHER CHORUS OF 'JAILHOUSE ROCK'. CONSTABLE ROLLS HIS EYES
CONSTABLE: Shut it! Right you lot - you're free to go.
ELVIS LINE-UP (ALL): Thank you very much.
Scene 9: Entertainments office
Tying up of lose ends
Closing Titles: Regal Eagles
Goodnight from the Regal Town Theatre
Such a lovely place
Such a lovely place
Plenty of room at the Regal Town Theatre
Any time of year, you can find it here
