Not long after we found out we were expecting our first child, a colleague told me:
"That's awesome man! I haven't got the balls to be a dad."
...and before you ask I didn't ask him to prove it. 
Police found safe under blanket
Man critical after bus reverses into him
Mounting problems for young couples
Man found dead in graveyard
I remember many years ago when colour TV was in its infancy, watching snooker on a black and white TV. The commentator said "for those watching in black and white, the pink is just behind the blue." 
Quote: Tuumble @ September 22 2009, 4:14 PM BSTPolice found safe under blanket
Aww.
Quote: Leevil @ September 22 2009, 3:42 PM BSTJust search 'Scatterbrained Floozy'.
You stoled my joke.
Sorry Scats! 
It has been reported today, that, vandals have completely destroyed a WC, in a North London Police station.
Detectives told reporters, that at the moment "they have nothing to go on"
Not quite on topic but I always remember a local news report that said that two dozen scaffolding poles had been stolen from a builders yard. The article closed by saying: "Police believe that a getaway vehicle was used."
Either that or Incredible Hulk has turned to petty crime.
One of the worst things I've ever said at work was during a training session when I was using the name 'Mr Joe Bloggs', I said 'Mr Blow Jobs' by mistake!
Oh, and once I asked someone to 'Please, Hold me, I putting you on...'
Quote: AngieBaby @ September 22 2009, 9:53 PM BSTOne of the worst things I've ever said at work was during a training session when I was using the name 'Mr Joe Bloggs', I said 'Mr Blow Jobs' by mistake!
I sometimes forget I'm around polite normal people and will use expressions that I use with friends all the time like 'Ken-f**ky fried chicken' and 'Sp-Asda'.
Not everyone appreciates my brand of high brow, sophisticated humour.
Quote: Renegade Carpark @ September 23 2009, 2:25 AM BST'Sp-Asda'.
I worked with a braindead woman years ago who made Ringo Star look like Martin Amis.
She regularly f**ked up with things like 'outstanding list of invoices' instead of 'list of outstanding invoices', but her best was talking about an accident where someone was badly injured. She said 'his legs were completely decapitated'.
Quote: Renegade Carpark @ September 22 2009, 3:48 PM BSTI love it on game shows when someone fails to win the jackpot and the host always says 'Did you enjoy yourself?'
I wish just once, the contestant would turn around and go 'Yes, it was f**king great to lose £50,000 and look like a tit on national television. I can't wait to get back to my shitty job and have the piss taken out of me constantly by co-workers.'
Alas, they edit those bits out. I've tried to brighten up a few TV game shows by doing/saying the wrong thing as a contestant, but it all gets cut.
Quote: Renegade Carpark @ September 23 2009, 2:25 AM BST
I sometimes forget I'm around polite normal people and will use expressions that I use with friends all the time like 'Ken-f**ky fried chicken' and 'Sp-Asda'.
Not everyone appreciates my brand of high brow, sophisticated humour.
SCUMMERFIELD!
I once read a story that Power Gen where going to take over an Italian company but if they had their web site would have read; powergenitalia.com
Oh gosh I hope that's true!
It is true...to a point.
Here are some other unfortunate URLs:
1. A site called 'Who Represents' where you can find the name of the agent that represents a celebrity. Their domain name… wait for it… is http://www.whorepresents.com
2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at http://www.expertsexchange.com
3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at http://www.penisland.net
4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at http://www.therapistfinder.com
5. Then of course, there's the Italian Power Generator company… http://www.powergenitalia.com
6. And now, we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales: http://www.molestationnursery.com
7. If you're looking for computer software, there's always http://www.ipanywhere.com
8. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. Their website is http://www.cummingfirst.com
9. Then, of course, there's these brainless art designers, and their whacky website: http://www.speedofart.com
10. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at http://www.gotahoe.com
