Morrace that is harsh and not in any way whatsoever constructive. I have only read this once and would like to read it again before giving a detailed critque, however I think there were some good parts to this, though I agree with quite a bit of what has been said. One thing I don't think has been mentioned is that the dialogue in parts is a bit clunky with a lot of unnecesary words, however other times it flows nicely.
I am also curious if you write a lot with your mate. I find in co-writing that you have to create an identity as a partnership in the same way you do as a cowriter and so regardless of how well you write on your own it takes ages for the writing to gel with a co-writer (that is in my experience). Also I found that one problem is you can get quite self indulgent in a cowritten piece and maybe ignore the aim of making things more accesible to the public as you might do in a solo piece, and might also end up including in jokes that you both find funny but no-one else gets.
I think it is great you have had the balls to put your work up for critique and you have inspired me to put my work up for critique.
