JORDAN IS TALKING TO A POLICE OFFICER.
JORDAN
Ere are you the police I've been raped!
POLICE
Yes madam we are the police. When did the offence take place?
JORDAN
3 years ago. I want you to arrest the filthy bastard.
POLICE
3 years is a long time ago madam.
JORDAN
Well I got him trapped where he raped me.
POLICE
Where did he rape you?
JORDAN
In me minge.
POLICE
No where did he rape you?
JORDAN
In me minge.
POLICE
Was it the kitchen? the lounge?
JORDAN
You muppet how can you rape some one in the kitchen? I've got John Leslie trapped in me minge.
POLICE
But how?
JORDAN
He snuck up on me when I was passed out at me wedding. Stupid bastard forgot to strap a plank on his arse and he's been stuck up my minge for 3 years.
POLICE PULLS OUT A PISTOL AND POINTS IT AT JORDAN'S CROTCH.
POLICE
Come out you filthy Blue Peter bastard.
JOHN (00V)
Oh thank God. Can you shine a light to show me the way out.
POLICE SHINES A TORCH AT JORDAN'S CROTCH.
JOHN(OOV)
And can you get some sugar lumps.
POLICE
Why sugar lumps?
JOHN(OOV)
Shergar's also in here.
HORES WHINNIES (OOV)