Edited thanks Fella
A MAN IS GOING TO SEE JAQUI SMITH.
MAN
Hello are you Margaret Hodge I'm here for my police check. I want to take my kids to watch Plymouth Argyll on Saturday, thought it'd be easier to do it in person.
HE GOES TO SHAKE HER HAND, SHE JERKS IT AWAY AND ACCIDENTALLY MAKES A NAZI SALUTE.
WOMAN
Don't touch my hand. That's rape!
MAN
Oh sorry, but the police check?
Margaret Hodge
Thought you could get away with it did you? You paedophile bastard, we have photos.
MAN
What photos? I've never done anything, oh God has some one cloned my credit card to buy child porn?
Margaret Hodge
Nein! Look you filthy, filthy bastard you're more disgusting than David Cameron is sexy!
SHE SHOWS HIM A PHOTOGRAPH.
MAN
But that's ridiculous my mum took that photograph when I was in bath when I was 6 months old.
Margaret Hodge
No excuse you're more degenerate than a Liberal Democrat with a brief case.
MAN
But I'm touching my own penis. My mum shows that photo to everyone to embarass every one.
Margaret Hodge
So you expose your penis to people, your mum distributes child porn and you like touching underage penises. Take this pervert away.
A POLICE MAN DRAGS MAN OFF.
GORDON BROWN WALKS ON
GORDON
Hi Jaqui I just banned child benefit, built another 100 useless city academies and banned correct spelling the GCSEs.
Margaret Hodge
Nowthat's how you f**k the kids properly!
