HARRIET HARMAN IS IN THE PRIME MINISTER'S OFFICE
GB HOLDS UP A NEWSPAPER
I don't understand it, Harriet. Derren Brown feeds the whole country lies, misdirection and spin and the public loves him for it. They're supposed to be OUR strong points, yet everyone seems to hate me.
HH:
He IS rather better at in than you, sir. HE predicted the Lottery results. YOU didn't even see the recession coming.
GB:
Maybe we can employ some of his methods? Like I can predict stuff just after it's happened.
HH:
But you only comment quickly on trivial matters like the Ashes and Susan Boyle.
GB:
Well what traits of his can we use then?
HH:
(THINKS) He is a bit creepy...
GB:
There we go! I'M creepy (FLASHES HIS BEST SMILE)
HH:
(SHUDDERS)
Yes, but his is vampire-suave creepiness. Plus he's persuasive...
GB:
So am I!
HH:
You're argumentative. Take with Tony Blair, for instance...
GB:
I am not argumentative! (BEAT) Shit!
HH:
Anyway Derren Brown's got STYLE. And a goatee.
GB:
OK, so I'm not gay, but I did redecorate No. 10.
HH:
I don't think knocking in the adjoining wall to No. 11 counts as interior design.
GB:
Alistair said it was an improvement (BEAT) OK, but we must have SOMEONE who is creepy, persuasive and good at doing up flats.
PETER MANDELSON APPEARS. DARK ORGAN MUSIC PLAYS.
You called?
GORDON AND HARRIET:
Aaaah!!
GB:
(LAUGHS WEAKLY) Ahaha. I didn't hear you come in Lord Mandelson.
PM (SMILING):
I get that a lot (CLICKS HIS FINGERS). Sleep.
GB SLUMPS.
HH:
Prime Minister? (WAVES HAND IN FRONT OF HIS FACE) Prime Minister?!
PM:
Hush. Who do you think's really in charge? Soon me and Derren Brown will be be running the country. Together (LAUGHS EVILLY).
HH:
But the cabinet runs the country.
PM:
You didn't really believe that guff about 24 politicians in a room making up national policy did you?
HH:
You're an evil bastard....
PM:
Thank you.
HH:
...not involving a woman. You sexist. Hey! Where are you going?
PM:
To help Derren paint his balls.
Feedback appreciated - know it needs tidying but can't work out which way to go with it, need a decent punchline.
Plan B is Goc Wan's Gordon Brown / Derren Brown makeover
