BOB IS AT THE DESK OF A HOSPITAL HE HAS A BIG SPOT ON HIS NOSE.
BOB
Hello Bob Bobson here for my 3.30 appointment. I'm having this little blighter sliced off the old hooter.
SECRETARY
Ah yes Mr Bobson yes, hope it was ok parking.
BOB
No problem not like last time there was this great big Mercedes blocking two spaces so I called the parking company. They towed it away.
SECRETARY
Oh that was you. That was Dr Mukhaji's Mercedes, it was crushed.
BOB
After being towed away? That's a bit extreme.
SECRETARY
He was in surgery for 3 days...saving my son's life.
A DR WANDERS IN
DR
Hello I'm Dr Christos I'm slicing the wart of your nose...I couldn't help over hearing you're responsible for what happened to Mukhaji's beloved Mercedes. He smuggled me out of Kosovo during the war carried me for a 100 miles in his suit case.
NURSE WALKS IN
NURSE
Are we talking about Mukhaji? He was such a great help when I came out to my parents, he was my rock.
SECRETARY
Oh this is the man who had his Mercedes crushed.
BOB
I did not! I was doing my civic duty.
DR
Of course you were. That's what the militia said when my village burned. Hmm that's quite a big boil I think we might need a general anasthetic.
BOB
Please no, don't leave me alone I'll go BUPA!
SCENE2
BOB IS ON A HOSPITAL TROLLEY STRAPPED DOWN HIS MOUTH STUFFED WITH GAUSE. HE IS BEING PUSHED DOWN A CORRIDOR PATIENTS LINE THE SIDES STARING IN SILENT FURY.
HE PASSES THE CHAPEL WHICH IS FULL OF PICTURES OF A DR WHO MAY WELL BE DR MUKHAJI ALA CHRIST HEALING THE SICK.
THEY PASS A WINDOW OUT OF IT WE CAN SEE A 100 FOOT TALL STATUE OF DR MUKHAJI , A NOTE BENEATH READS "Our saviour."
BESIDE IT IS A HUGE STATUE OF A MERCEDES WITHA PLAQUE READING "Died for our sins."
2 PORTERS WALKS PAST ONE CARRYING A BOX MARKED "Rusty 14th century surgical tools for museum."
THE OTHER BOX READS "MRSA and HIV infected dressings do not reuse."
BOB IS STRUGGLING AND MOANING THROUGH HIS GAG IN FEAR.
THEY ENTER AN OPERATING ROOM.
DR CHRISTOS LEANS OVER BOB
DR
Well PARK yourself here, I'm sure no one will TOW you away. Don't look so CRUSHED. Because here comes Dr Mukhaji."
DR MUKHAJI HIS FACE HIDDEN BY THE LIGHT LOOMS OVER BOB.
SCENE3
BOB WAKES UP IN BED AND FEELS HIS NOSE IT SEEMS FINE.
BOB
So it was all a dream.
BOB WALKS TO THE BATHROOM STANDS AT THE TOILET AND UNZIPS HIS FLIES.
HE LOOKS DOWN IN HERE THERE IS NOTHING THERE.
PISS SUDDENLY FALLS INFRONT OF HIS FACE.
HE RUNS TO THE MIRROR AND LOOKS IN HORROR.
HIS PENIS HAS BEEN GRAFTED TO HIS FOREHEAD AND IS PISSING ENTHUSIASTICALLY.
