Quote: Steve Sunshine @ June 17 2010, 9:26 PM BSTAlways a good sign.
Oh yes!
I don't always laugh when I think of jokes and, to be honest, I mostly dislike one-liners.
How's the stand-up going?
Joke Adoption. Page 14
Oh I gave that up years ago, and haven't really been inclined to try again.
Just trying to write sketches & jokes these days.. whenever the opportunities arise.
Quote: Steve Sunshine @ June 17 2010, 9:49 PM BSTOh I gave that up years ago, and haven't really been inclined to try again.
Just trying to write sketches & jokes these days.. whenever the opportunities arise.
Oh sorry, I remembered that we were talking about stand-up a while back and I thought you might still do it.
So....How's the writing going? 
Well, there's 10 excruciating minutes of my life I'm not going to get back. If you think you can write funny stuff, take it on stage yourself, don't just dump it on someone else. If people laugh, you'll get more confident, if they don't, just stop. Try writing stuff without relying on puns.
Standup is about going back again and again until you defeat the audience.
I gave this busker some loose change and the little bastard snatched a five-pound note from my hand. I didn't want an argument but I said, "Keep the change, you filthy animal." I've never been raped by a monkey before.
I sent a letter to Watchdog some years ago; they still haven't returned my stamp.
eh?
Quote: Marooned @ June 17 2010, 9:10 PM BSTI had my first encounter with a bendy bus the other day; I've never been involved in a hit-and-wrap before.
That's excelent
Quote: sootyj @ July 25 2010, 5:53 PM BSTeh?
That's excelent
Thanks. Glad you like the bendy bus joke. 
Sorry, what are you saying "eh?" to?
Didn't understand the other 2 jokes at all. Sorry.
Quote: sootyj @ July 25 2010, 6:19 PM BSTDidn't understand the other 2 jokes at all. Sorry.
No need to be sorry. I'm glad that people on here are honest with me.
But the bendy one is worthy of being stolen and mangled by Chegwin.
I'm glad if my good to shit ratio is about 1 in 50
Quote: sootyj @ July 25 2010, 6:26 PM BSTBut the bendy one is worthy of being stolen and mangled by Chegwin.
I'm glad if my good to shit ratio is about 1 in 50
Indeed. I just need to write more jokes and more often to keep up with that ratio.
Do you mind if I ask what it was about them that confused you?
Seeing as I'm new, I thought I'd resurrect this joke thread with a few of mine:
1. My wife didn't like my shed. Especially when I carried her over the threshold.
2. I was in the cinema and a man behind me tapped me on the shoulder and said
(posh) "I say, if I am not mistaken, it is customary to remove one's hat in the
cinema."
I said "You are mistaken, mate. This is a traffic cone."
3. Two trees in Ireland. Six.
4. I'm so lonely. The nearest thing I've got to a friend is a pot of live yoghurt.
Quote: Reg N @ August 12 2010, 9:59 PM BSTSeeing as I'm new, I thought I'd resurrect this joke thread with a few of mine:
1. My wife didn't like my shed. Especially when I carried her over the threshold.
2. I was in the cinema and a man behind me tapped me on the shoulder and said
(posh) "I say, if I am not mistaken, it is customary to remove one's hat in the
cinema."
I said "You are mistaken, mate. This is a traffic cone."3. Two trees in Ireland. Six.
4. I'm so lonely. The nearest thing I've got to a friend is a pot of live yoghurt.
See, I'm more a fan of distorted real-life jokes like Reg N's than variety-type one-liners.
The first one's my favourite, Reg.
Why do cats always run inside when they're about to throw up? I'd rather they were sick out there than where I sleep and bathe myself.
Ok, here's a few more...
I was in a restaurant and I asked the waiter for an uncooked steak.
He said "Raw?"
So I went "ROAAAR!"
I've got a birthmark on my back shaped like a key.
Don't mention it. It winds me up.
I spend a lot of time putting tee-shirts and shorts on rabbits.
But what I really want to be is a haredresser.