Drive Threw

I'm not a sketch writer and this will probably prove me right! The ending is'nt right but would be good to hear your views

A DAD IS TAKING HIS TWO CHILDREN OUT FOR THE DAY (6 AND 8) AND THEY STOP AT A DRIVE-THRU MACDONALDS.

DAD:
Let's hope it's a lot fresher and hotter than last time we came here

DAD PULLS UP TO THE FIRST WINDOW

DAD:
I'll get two Hamburger Happy Meals for the kids, with two cokes and I'll have a Chicken Sandwich meal, No Mayo on the Chicken Sandwich and No Salt on the Chips.

DAD PAYS THE SERVER AND DRIVES TOWARD THE SECOND WINDOW

DAD:
It might take a little longer, but I like my food fresh and hot. See what I did there kids, they'll have to cook a fresh Chicken Sandwich without mayo and a fresh batch of chips without salt.

AS HE COMES TO A STOP AT THE NEXT WINDOW, A YOUNG LADY IS WAITING WITH THE FOOD IN HER HAND. YOU CAN SEE IT IS STEAMING AS IT IS SO HOT

DAD:
Wow, that's unbelievable. Excuse me, the Chicken Sandwich doesn't have

YOUNG GIRL:
Mayo sir, no

DAD:
and the chips, there's no

YOUNG GIRL:
Salt sir, no

SHE PASSES THE FOOD INTO THE CAR

YOUNG GIRL:
Now, would you like any Sauces?

DAD:
Kids, sauces

8 YEAR OLD:
Ketchup please Dad

6 YEAR OLD:
Chocolate!

DAD:
Two ketchups please

YOUNG GIRL GOES AWAY AND COMES BACK A FEW SECONDS LATER

YOUNG GIRL:
No ketchup sir, we have Barbeque

DAD:
Barbeque then, that's fine

YOUNG GIRL GOES AWAY AND COMES BACK A FEW SECONDS LATER

YOUNG GIRL:
We only have one barbeque. We have lots of Curry, Sweet Chilli or we do have Mustard

DAD:
Haven't you got anything that's not spicey? What about Mayo ?

YOUNG GIRL:
So you want Mayo Now ?

YOUNG GIRL HUFFS AND WALKS OFF AND COMES BACK WITH MAYO AND BARBEQUE SAUCE. DAD IS JUST ABOUT TO DRIVE OFF WHEN SHE STARTS TALKING AGAIN

YOUNG GIRL:
What toys would they like?

DAD:
Toys?

YOUNG GIRL:
Free with the happy meal, the kids get to choose. It's Disney time again

DAD:
What's the choice?

GIRL POINTS TO HER RIGHT AT A HUGE SIGN SAYING "COLLECT THEM ALL, DISNEY'S 101 DALMATIONS" THE SIGN CARRIES A PICTURE OF THE MAIN CHARACTERS AND 101 DOGS, ALL SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT

SCENE FADES OUT AS KIDS BEGIN TO CHOOSE AND FADES IN AS SHE HANDS TWO TOY DOGS OVER, WITH A PILE OF DISCARDED DOGS NEXT TO HER

DAD DRIVES AWAY AND AS HE REACHES THE EXIT OPENS HIS WINDOW AND DUMPS HIS FULL UNEATEN BAG OF FOOD INTO THE SWING TOP BIN. HE PULLS OUT INTO THE MAIN ROAD

6 Year Old:
Not very hot is it

Hi Minty

I didn't really go with this - there don't seem to be many gags, waiting for a big punchline that doesn't come. I think the nature of sketches based on delay are akin to those featuring deliberately featuring boring characters - they rarely come off.

However,

GIRL POINTS TO HER RIGHT AT A HUGE SIGN SAYING "COLLECT THEM ALL, DISNEY'S 101 DALMATIONS" THE SIGN CARRIES A PICTURE OF THE MAIN CHARACTERS AND 101 DOGS, ALL SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT

is excellent - fantastic visual gag, so I'd suggest keeping this bit and running a different angle

You could probably cut down on a lot of the dialogue and get to the 101 toys to choose from punchline and finish it there, without the bag going in the bin ending, which you say you weren't too sure of either. Look forward to seeing some more of your stuff.