BOB IS WANDERING OUT OF HIS BEDROOM IN HIS DRESSING GOWN SCRATCHING HIMSELF, THERE IS A HITCHHIKER SAT OUTSIDE.
HE STOPS AND LOOKS AT THE HITCHHIKER.
THE HITCHER HOLDS UP HIS SIGN IT READS "The toilet."
HITCHHIKER
I can't believe it you stopped. Thank you man I've been stuck here alnight.
BOB
Who are you? And why are you sitting outside my bedroom?
HITCHHIKER
I'm Denzil brother and I'm hitching. I heard there's a bitching festival in your toilet; there's Hawkwind, Jeff Sinclair and Jayzee.
BOB
What the hell are you talking about? That's crazy.
HITCHHIKER
I know a rapper at a music festival. It's just not right.
BOB
No I mean the music festival in the toilet. There isn't one. Just me a copy of Men's Health and hopefully yesterdays kebab.
HITCHHIKER
You're going to shit on the festival? That's so uncool it ruins it for everyone and it's terrible for the environment.
BOB
Look you've been misinformed. There is no festival in my toilet! Besides how am I going to get you there? It's not like I've got a car or something.
JANE POPS HER HEAD OUT OF HER BEDROOM.
JANE
You greedy bastard Bob. You could give him a piggy back, there's loads of space on your back.
HITCHIKER
Yeh man it's selfish people like you who are ruining the environment.
JANE
You carbon footprint stomper, give him a lift. I'm going to get a cup of tea.
A SERIAL KILLER ALA CHARLES MANSON IS SITTING OUTSIDE HER ROOM.
SERIAL KILLER
Can I give you a lift? My mum lives in your fridge and you look just like her.