British Comedy Guide

Cockney Pub

INT. DAY. PUB.

COCKNEY PUB FULL OF GEEZERS ON A SATURDAY AFTERNOON.

GEEZER 1 GETS UP FROM HIS BAR STOOL:
Brown nose in the ring, tra la la la la.

GEEZER 2 STANDS UP:
She looks like Alan Sugar in a plum, plum, plum.

GEEZER 3:
That's what we're talking abaht, time for a geezer-off.

THE TWO GEEZERS WALK TOWARDS EACH OTHER. THE THIRD GEEZER STANDS BETWEEN THEM. HE IS TAKING BETS FROM THE GATHERED MOB.

GEEZER 1:
Numpty Dumpty went to Millwall.

GEEZER 2:
Numpty Dumpty left with f**k all.

FX APPLAUSE AND CHEERS.

GEEZER 1:
Rub a dub dub, three clowns in a tub.

GEEZER 2:
I know a horse race you don't know, doodah, doodah.

THE WHOLE PUB STARTS TO SING:
I know a horse race you don't know, doodah, doodah, day.

GEEZER 1:
Doodah, doodah, day... shit.

GEEZER 1 RETURNS TO HIS BAR STOOL DEJECTED.

You've lost me with this one. Sorry.

Thanks, it was just a piss take of rappers when they try and outdo one another with their raps, but applied to geezerdom. Too niche.

Yep, sorry Nigel but I'm in the 'dinnae get it' camp. I reckon that it might work when filmed though if you showed some visual 'geezer being rapper' clues.

No doubt there's already such a thing as Cockney Rap. Certainly there are East End gangstas. But any forced fusion of low level British and American genres might just come across as being really stupid and unfunny. To wit:

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