Otterfox
Saturday 12th September 2009 12:09am
Tipperary
1,207 posts
VOICEOVER:
(show heroic clips as they are mentioned) Globetrotter, mountain climber, underwater explorer, nail biter. Mickey Lamb seems to have done it all in his illustrious career but Mickey has set his sights on one last expedition before his tea.
Mickey is going to jump over a pencilcase.
PRESENTER:
Mickey. Surely you can't be serious? You have had a fantastic career. If you fail; your career will be in ruins. I mean no-one has jumped over a pencilcase before.
MICKEY:
(definite voice) Well that is why I want to do it. There-in lies the intrigue. If the task was to swim Everest it wouldnt be a challenge would it... because its been done before.
PRESENTER:
Now this jump of yours. Is the pencilcase going to be open or closed?
MICKEY:
Pure open.
PRES:
Oh sweet Jesus! Surely you can't be serious. Thats suicide!
MICK:
Some call it suicide others call it jumping over a pencilcase. Either way I'm doing it. With a good wind behind me I should scale the case.
PRES:
Ok Mickey, we'll let you go get ready and we will bring in our expert on stationary jumps, Stack Midleton. Stack, how do you rate his chances?
STACK:
Well Susan, I was Benny Mottleshaws trainer in the 70's when he javelined himself over a setsquare. This is quite similar. I know Mickey takes these things seriously. He has spent the last couple of weeks in a stationary cupboard preparing for todays event.
His preparation has been second to none but he has always been like that. If you remember he spent several weeks in the Antartic acclimatising himself for his famous fridge freezer expedition of '99. I think he will do it you know.
PRES:
Remember its not just a matter of scaling the case or not. If he plunges into the case there are untold amount of dangers. A pointy 2h pencil sticking up, the sharp edge of a pencil sharpener, a loose staple, protractors. It's vital he clears it.
STACK:
True. But if I know Mickey like you think I do there should be no problems.
PRES:
Here is Mickey now and he has the pencilcase with him.
MICK:
Looking at it in my hands it might'nt look all that daunting but when you add in the element of foreshortening its a whole different ballgame.
MICKEY LAYS THE PENCILCASE DOWN IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA AND RUNS FAR UP THE FIELD UNTIL HE LOOKS VERY SMALL IN RELATION TO THE CASE.
MICK:
Look at the distance I have to jump now.
PRES:
So this is it. Mikey is going through his prejump ritual. (he comments on everything Mickey does) Tying his lace, adjusting his shorts a little, looking, standing now. He is taking a long run at this....and h-he has slowed down. He doesn't seem to be taking it seriously. He thinks its his practice jump.
Mickey its not your practice, this is your real jump!!
MICK:
Huh?
HE CLUMSILY TRIES TO JUMP BUT FALLS INTO THE PENCILCASE. THERE IS STUNNED SILENCE.
PRES:
(INCONSOLABLE) Someone tell him...Mickey!
Oh no folks..I-it looks like our modern day legend. our hero, our champion. The man who scaled the highest mountains and swam the deepest oceans looks to have perished in a pencilcase. I'm finding it hard to find the words...
THE PENCILCASE MOVES SLIGHTLY.
PRES:
(hope returns) But wait! Whats this?... They're bringing us a big plate of food.
(happily) Goodbye.
CREDITS ROLL: 'MICKEY LAMB WAS HURT IN THE MAKING OF THIS FILM'
END.
