British Comedy Guide

Dragon's Den Leaving Card

Hi, comments both good and bad welcomed.... apologies if the format's out.

V/O: Tim, the Dragon's Den Sound Editor, is looking for £25 towards a card and leaving present for Wendy, his long serving assistant.

TIM: Hi guys, we're wondering if you'd like to put something in for Wendy's leaving gifts.

DUNCAN: Tim, let me tell you where I am straight away. It's Friday, it's been a long week, it's late, I've got deep pockets and short arms, plus Wendy once made me sound like Billy Connolly eating stinging nettles. For those reasons, I'm out.

TIM: Oh ok.

DEBORAH: Hi Tim, I think you know where I am don't you?

TIM: Yes Deborah, we all know where you are.

(JAMES LEANS FORWARD)

JAMES: I'm actually quite interested. I'd like to hear some more.

TIM: More? Well, Wendy's leaving and since she's worked on every series we thought it would be a nice gesture if everyone put something in for a card and a present?

JAMES: Hmmm. And what present are you thinking of getting for Wendy?

TIM: Well we haven't thought of anything yet - a pen? A watch?

(JAMES NOTES DOWN 'PEN OR WATCH' AND NODS THOUGHTFULLY. PETER HAS BEEN SHAKING HIS HEAD THROUGHOUT THIS)

PETER: Hi Tim, I'm Peter.

TIM: Yes Peter, I know. I'm the Sound Editor.

PETER: Can I just say, this really annoys me. You've come in here asking for £25 towards a present but you haven't got a clue about what you're going to do with the money. How can you expect anyone to put money in?

TIM: I thought we'd see how much we got first and then decide.

(PETER'S STILL SHAKING HIS HEAD)

PETER: It's a nice idea Tim but there's no substance behind it, and that makes it impossible for me to put money in.

TIM: OK. Theo?

THEO: Tim, Tim, Tim. I've built an empire out of stationery. I know for a fact you don't need £25 for a card, mate.

TIM: But it's a card AND a present, it's only £25!

THEO: You're not listening Tim, watch my lips. Your costs are too high. I'm out.

JAMES: Tim, I like it. I'd like to make you an offer.

TIM: Thank you.

JAMES: I'd like to offer you £12.50, but it's conditional on me getting 30% of the space on the card, AND on one other Dragon coming in with me.

DEBORAH: Actually, thinking about it, it is quite a big card. I'll put in the other £12.50, but I also want 30% of the space in the card, PLUS my name should be biggest on the present.

DUNCAN: I'd accept quick, Tim.

JAMES: Would you like some time to think about it?

TIM: No, just give me money, please.

(JAMES AND DEBORAH GET UP FROM THEIR CHAIRS SMILING AND SHAKING HANDS WITH TIM, RUMMAGING IN THEIR POCKETS FOR £12.50. TIM EXITS SHAKING HIS HEAD)

END

Very good!

:)

I agree very well written piece of work you've got there. The characters voices all shine through strong enough. IT's A job.

I thought it was quite pedestrian. But I suppose people in glass houses and all that.

Enjoyed :D

yeah but what was good about it was it was clever enough to move the characters out of the usual setting but apply the usual rules. so its clever innit. like it's wicked man. anyway im destroying his light with each word so I'll stop. Now. Stopped.

Quote: LIME5000 @ September 4 2009, 4:38 PM BST

yeah but what was good about it ?

Made me laugh.

:D

ai, simply put guvnor!

Quote: Marc P @ September 4 2009, 4:46 PM BST

Made me laugh.

:D

Did it actually make you laugh? Like, a genuine laugh from your mouth, or did you just think to yourself 'hum, hum this is amusing'?

I only laugh out loud at my own jokes.

That's good. Some of the lines might need polishing a little bit, but it's funny. It's clever, well done.

Thanks for all the comments folks!

Quote: DarrenF1970 @ September 4 2009, 8:38 PM BST

Thanks for all the comments folks!

All of them?

Enjoyed this Darren.
A Good premise, done with style
A thumbs up from me

Quote: Steve Sunshine @ September 5 2009, 11:16 PM BST

Really enjoyed this one Darren.
A great idea, executed very well.
Good stuff.

Almost a Haiku.

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