Hey and welcome!
You've made a good point in there about it being more suited to radio. Not long after I posted this RFTP opened their doors again so I'm thinking of re-working this to submit to that.
Cheers for the comments.
Apple Page 2
Quote: Nigel Kelly @ September 1 2009, 10:13 PM BSTIt's a nice I-idea but I wasn't keen on the ending either. I would have liked to see the staff brainstorm different ideas starting with I, getting more and more ridiculous.
This put me in mind of a Fry & Laurie sketch when they were hardass, whisky-drinking American businessmen going right over the top. A good skecth.
Oh no, I prefer it. The harsher the better. If it's crap I want to know about it 
Good on yer man. Exactly, how else will anyone improve if we're all scratching each others nut sacks hey!.
Now about the sketch. I did like the ending, but something not quite right with the dialogue leading up to it...The word clutter comes to mind..ummm
Quote: Chris Forshaw @ September 4 2009, 11:22 AM BSTHey and welcome!
Thank you. I've been looking for a place like this...
You've made a good point in there about it being more suited to radio. Not long after I posted this RFTP opened their doors again so I'm thinking of re-working this to submit to that.
Radio seems a good fit. (It also avoids the problem of trying to get permission to use Apple's branding!)
May I suggest inverting the punchline? This way, the iGags become misdirection, rather than simple foreshadowing.
Also, if you do make it a radio piece, adding one or two supporting characters might help with the delivery and also give a better sense of context. Dialogue also provides a sense of movement, making the sketch feel a bit more dynamic.
Finally, I strongly recommend watching Steve Jobs in action giving one of his keynotes. (They're free and not hard to find online; iTunes has them going back to 2007 and the launch of the first iPhone.)
You probably won't use any of his actual lines, you'll get a much better idea of his speech patterns, leadership style and public persona, which will make it easier to 'sell' his character to the listener. Steve Jobs has a reputation as a gifted salesman, and this is *Americans* saying this; he's not Bill Gates. He's also one of the co-founders of Pixar, so the last thing you should be doing is making him sound like a standard manager with an MBA. While many members of the public won't necessarily know *why*, they can generally tell when a character is 'off' in some way.