A TEACHER WITH A GORMLESS PUPIL IS STANDING ON STAGE JIM KNIGHT WALKS ON.
JIM
Right I'm the minister for education Jim Knight and I take no shite! Is this the brightest pupil at St Fred West's Inner City Academy!
TEACHER
Yes this is Mohammed Chardonnay Beckham it's passed 20 GCSEs with A stars.
JIM
Is it a boy or a girl?
TEACHER
We don't like to ask it's sexist.
JIM
And what about accusations you get these results by spoon feeding your pupils easy answers!
TEACHER
Nonsense!
TEACHER IS FEEDING PUPIL WITH A BIG WOODEN SPOON.
JIM
You're doing it right now! Now let's see how it handles some random questions from Jim Knight the minister who knows he's right. What 5 times 7?
PUPIL STARES BOVINELY. TEACHER HITS PUPIL WITH WOODEN SPOON.
PUPIL
Maths is all about numbers and how they relate. Like we should relate to each other in modern Britain.
JIM
Well that wasn't very good. Let's try some history. When was World War One.
TEACHER HITS PUPIL WITH WOODEN SPOON.
PUPIL
Maths is all about...
TEACHER
No you half wit that's your maths A level!
PUPIL
Ow don't hit me you useless c**t.
JIM
Well they got that answer right.