FRODO IS IN HIS HOBBIT HOLE GANDALF STORMS IN HE HAS A BIN BAG.
FRODO
Gandalf what is it? Is Middle Earth in peril? Has the Dark Lord Sauron returned?
GANDALF
A terrible evil is upon the land! It's agents are everywhere spying on all. You must take the sack of evil and burn it in Mount Doom.
FRODO
What is in this sack of monsterousness?
GANDALF
Don't look it's too evil, oh you've gone and looked.
FRODO
Hang on this is just rubbish; there's banana skins, coke cans and there's even a couple of syringes. Is this your rubbish? It's unrecyclable you irresponsible villain.
GANDALF
I am one of the Eloi the ancient 7 wizards who are eternal. I can not be expected to learn the mysteries of why the black battery bin is 10 times the size of the food waste bin.
FRODO
So this is evil is actually you wanting me to burn your hazardous waste so you can avoid a fine?
GANDALF
Too late my brave young friend the evil agents of the council have already fined me. I survived just...but the next fine is double it could destroy me.
FRODO
No wander Sauron was always sending his legions of Orcs to rape Middle Earth. When your fly tipping in his f**king volcano!
GANDALF
So that's a no then? I'm going to have to travel all the way to Narnia now.
SAM GAMGEE WALKS IN WITH A BAG.
SAM
Frodo I don't why you make such a fuss honestly. Every one does it.
SAM'S BAG RIPS OPEN AND COPIES OF "Hot lesbian elf porn" SPILL ALL OVER THE CARPET.
FRODO
I think you'd better go Gandalf. Me and Sam need to have a long discussion about our relationship.