Injury Advert-type parody

The late-night ramblings of an idiot:

ADVERT:

VO: Have you had an accident in the last three years that wasn't your fault? If so, call Claiming Bastards Direct free today. Juliet Smith, an actress in accident reconstructions, did:

JULIET (IN THE MONOTONOUS "READING" VOICE INVARIABLY EMPLOYED BY THOSE ON SUCH ADVERTS):

I had just got into work and we were starting filming for the day. I was told to walk across a newly polished floor and pretend to slip, severely bruising my buttocks and fracturing my ankle.

(RECONTRUCTION SHOWS THIS HAPPENING, WITH A DRAMATIC SHOT OF A FOOT SLIPPING AND A BAG FLYING THROUGH THE AIR. A CAMERA CREW CAN BE SEEN FILMING THIS. THE CAPTION READS "RECONTRUSTION OF A RECONTRUCTION").

In doing so I slipped, severely bruising both buttocks and fracturing my ankle. This required reconstructive surgery. (CUT TO A SOFT-FOCUS SHOT OF AN OPERATING THEATRE. CAPTION READS "RECONSTRUCTION OF RECONSTRUCTIVE SURGERY"). I was unable to work for a month, except for reconstructions of accidents involving crutches or wheelchairs. During this time I also broke my wrist. (SHOT OF OVERTURNED WHEELCHAIR AT THE BOTTOM OF SOME STAIRS WITH ONE ELEVATED WHEEL SPINNING USELESSLY).

I phoned Claiming Bastards Direct. They were very helpful and informative, and as a result of their expert advice I received £3,000 from my employer, Claiming Bastards Direct. And all the costs to pay my lawyers at Claiming Bastards Direct were recovered from the other side, Claiming Bastards Direct.

VO: Not only did Juliet receive compensation in full for her injuries, she also became employee of the month for her realistic reconstructions of REAL accidents. Claiming Bastards Direct really have helped her turn her life around. And we want to do the same for you.So remember: If you've had an accident at work that wasn't your fault, phone Claiming Bastards Direct today!

JULIET STAGGERS ON SCREEN, WRAPPED UP LIKE MR. BUMP. SOME SHARP-SUITED LAWYERS PUSH PAST HER IN A RUSH, KNOCKING HER OVER AND TRAMPLING HER UNDERFOOT ON THEIR WAY TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE SCREEN.

THE TELEPHONE NUMBER FLASHES UP ON SCREEN, WHILST IN THE BACKGROUND JULIET DRAGS HERSELF OUT OF VIEW

Great idea. Probably needs a bit of a clean-up, but the concept's a good 'un and there's a few funny lines.

I love this concept, Rob0. Good plays on reconstruction. I'd prefer the final scene to be;

SMARTLY-DRESSED JULIA WALKS TOWARD CAMERA DISPLAYING COMPENSATION CHEQUE

JULIA: So, if you think you have a claim, call 0845...

CAMERA GOES CRAZILY OUT OF CONTROL AS CAMERAMAN SLIPS OVER

V/O CAMERAMAN: Whooo-ooops...Aaaaargh!

JULIA'S FACE APPEARS IN SHOT AS SHE BENDS DOWN LOOKING INTO UPTURNED CAMERA

[BEAT] JULIA: That's 0845 123 4567.

CAMERAMAN GROANS

JULIA: Medic!, Medic! [BEAT] Is there a Doctor on set?!

Ta, glad there was some funny there. I like your ending, Geoff, with the cameraman having an accident, but wanted the idea of escalation with her getting more injured. Looking back, the lawyers thing doesn't do much. Might be good for a follow-up sketch where the company goes bust as all their employees sue them.

I think this would benefit from trimming and keeping the focus tight on the original premise. As you say, lose the lawyers.

That's a good idea. I liked the fact that she was an actress in accident reconstruction adverts and she gets injured filming one. Nice one.